2. MANIFESTED REALITY
Reparenting is a method of re-conditioning. The process makes way for new connections to develop and new patterns to replace the old.
Self-reparenting takes it a step further. When you make space for your inner parent to grow more present and compassionate, healing manifests in the everyday scheme of things.
In my case, I observed that I had become less critical, less worried and less judgmental. This also altered my communication with people around me, making me clearer about my own boundaries and how I would relay that to the other in interaction.
3. OBJECTIVE DISTANCE
The process of coming into your own in terms of your inner parent ego state, can slowly bring in healthy distance from wounding events. The reason I use “objective” is to be able to justify that space that gets created between the memory and your present state, allowing you to witness the past without necessarily having to retraumatise yourself.
Self-reparenting helped me make connections between the past and the present with what I would call non-attachment and retrospection.
So now that you have some idea of what self-reparenting might look like, it might be useful to know what you can practice as part of the process.
4. AWAKEN THE VOICE OF CURIOSITY
With therapy giving me an understanding of the world of possibilities that can exist in a given situation, I began to look at what hurts from a place of curiosity.
At the outset, the voice was insistent and oppressive. But the more time I allowed, it turned lighter and more genuinely inquisitive.
“Do you know what would make you feel better?”
“Can you see how these words make you feel?” etc. are the kind of questions I began to use as my internal compass.
5. BE PATIENT
Anyone who has seen drastic shifts in their life or has tuned into their self-awareness acutely, will tell you how difficult change can be. The path from unfamiliar to familiar comes fraught with slowness and setbacks.
So, be prepared to spend months or even years allowing the inner ideal parent to bloom, to talk kindly, to listen and to be there when you’re in crisis. To be patient is a commitment I had made to myself and I am sure it can be of help to you too.
6. ACCEPT VULNERABILITY
The journey of healing through self-reparenting isn’t easy to begin with. In my case, I noticed my own resistance to feeling anything else other than what I had allowed myself to feel, over time. If anger had been a go-to emotion, without it I felt helpless and lost.
However, with some patience and contemplation I found that it was exactly this sense of being lost that I had to welcome. I was losing old ways of working and this meant I had to embrace newness, however odd it seemed.
7. CREATE ROUTINE
The quiet, internal change between old and new can feel strange. I remember wondering if from a place of wounding I was going into a place of disconnection. Yes, that’s how it felt, especially because I was not able to work through every bit of it, with and without my therapist’s help.