Shift Your Perspective
Some people found this hypothetical situation to be helpful.
- Being asked if I would be happy if my kids were in this kind of relationship.
- I asked myself if I would want my daughter to have this kind of relationship. Instant clarity.
Note: I am including this theme because it showed up in a number of responses, but as a therapist, I have mixed feelings about the value of this particular mental exercise because parents project so much onto their children, for better or for worse. I’d like to propose these perspective-shifting questions instead:
- If my best friend was in this intimate relationship, what would I want for him/her/them?
- To what degree does this intimate relationship allow me to be the parent I want to be?
- What kind of relationship template am I modeling for my kids?
Bonus Reflection Questions
Some respondents just offered questions that they had found helpful on their journeys. Here they are:
- Do I see myself sharing life’s joys and challenges with this person?
- Do I reeeeally adore him?
- Are my needs being met?
- Can someone love them better?
- How does it feel?
- Is it healthy?
- Is it toxic?
- Am I happy?
- Is he happy?
- Do they communicate their truth to me?
- Can they hold space for me?
- Is giving another try worth it?
- Asking myself, If all the issues were “fixed,” would I stay?
- Am I coming from a place of fear or love?
- Which road leads me to more of the life I want?
- What would you regret more? Staying or leaving?
- Is it great, or is it great relative to how you normally feel with him?
For all of the worries we have about the impact of social media on our lives, it is also a beautiful portal to support and community. Although the experience of relational ambivalence is idiosyncratic and private, there is comfort in knowing you are not the first, the last, or the only person who has sat with uncertainty.
Feeling the pangs of relationship uncertainty? Want to know more about whether you should stay or leave? Check this video out below!
Written By Alexandra Solomon Originally Appeared On Dr. Alexandra Solomon