3. Make the hard choice to gently speak your truth instead of avoiding, placating,
Many good relationships go bad when one person continually sweeps what they really want under the rug in a misguided attempt to keep the peace.
That’s why it’s time, to be honest about what you really want. You don’t have to browbeat your partner or try to change them (I already explained why you shouldn’t try and change anyone).
However, too many people are secretly unhappy with their relationship because they are too afraid to negotiate. They pretend that they like going to NASCAR races or the ballet and silently seethe during yet another weekend event with their beloved’s family.
“Eyes so transparent that through them the soul is seen.” –Theophile Gautier
When you sell yourself out by faking what you want, like, and desire, the other person can’t help but fall in love with a lie.
The absolute worst part about lying about what you really want is the sinking dread that if you were authentically yourself, they wouldn’t love that person. That’s a pretty high price to pay for imaginary peacekeeping.
Instead, commit to living authentically within your relationship. Tell your person kindly and respectfully that if you have to go to another one of their aunt Ethel’s sewing circles, you might have a nervous breakdown. Choose to compromise and negotiate instead of placating.
In the long run, both of you will be happier — and you won’t have to worry that if you let your mask slip, they might run.
4. Love people in a way in which they personally can feel it.
Let’s say you’re allergic to peanuts. One day, you fall in love with a farmer whose pride and joy is their peanut butter. You tell them about your allergy, but they insist on giving you jars of peanut butter for each holiday because it’s what they’re most proud of.
After reminding them once or twice, most people would start to feel hurt and angry because the farmer isn’t thinking of their safety first. But the farmer’s intention was never to upset you. After all, they were sharing their pride and joy with you.
The problem is, when the peanut farmer insists on showing love their way, the kind intention behind the action is completely lost on their partner.
Lots of people show love like the peanut farmer. Enthusiastically, but tone-deaf.
“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” ― Nicholas Sparks
Often we spend years and years with someone who we deeply adore and never actually think to find out what makes them feel our love. We know what makes the US feel loved, but do you really know what makes your person feel it?
Love is something that is selfless and pure and it shouldn’t come with bargains or conditions. When you choose to be with someone, you must love them unconditionally and focus on how both of you can be happy together. This will help you not just cement your relationship, but also ensure that your partner is the happiest with you. Do not shy away from relationship advice, you never know how much it can help you.
If you’re going to love someone, you might as well do it right. Find out what makes them feel loved and do those things.
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