Ways To Extract Lessons From A Relationship
Still can’t find any tiny sliver of the potential benefit that could have come from the relationship? Totally at a loss for why you had to go through it? Try the following.
1. Is one frustrating aspect of the relationship that it was similar to other relationships you have had in the past (either in how the relationship was day to day, or how it ended)? Then there must be a lesson that is trying to make itself known to you.
As Pema Chodron once said, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” If you keep finding yourself in the same type of relationship or suffering from a similar style of the relationship ending, then there is a pattern that is trying to emerge in your conscious mind. Take out a journal, and write about the trend that you see emerging. Then ask yourself, ‘What lesson do I need to integrate from what this pattern is trying to show me about myself?’
2. In the earlier years of our dating life, we often need to go through a series of partners in order to simply learn more about ourselves – what we like, and what we don’t like in a romantic partner.
Maybe you dated someone who was extremely similar to you in many ways and found that this lack of sexual charge wore on you. Or perhaps you dated someone who was too different from you, and the lack of overlap was too challenging. Sometimes, the relationships we attract into our lives are simply mirroring for us to look into, realize something new about ourselves, and then, armed with our newfound increased self-awareness, we take that lesson and find a more highly aligned partner.
3. Finally, some relationships come into our lives just so that we know to avoid that type of relationship in the future.
I say this point last intentionally because a lazy mind can want to race towards this solution when, in reality, they’re just bypassing their lessons and avoiding looking inwards in an honest way.
If someone rushed into a relationship and then broke your heart by leaving abruptly, look at your relationship to time, intimacy, and your own anxiety, to see how you could have attracted such a partner. Or, if you attracted someone who was highly vain and superficial, and you found yourself both being attracted to their charm and put off by it, look at your own propensity for superficiality.
In all of these instances, the master question is, “How am I like that?”. When we honestly look at the overlap that we had with our ex, we stop giving up our power and putting the blame on them, and we take responsibility for ourselves and move forward with increased clarity and emotional freedom.
Dedicated to your success,
Written by Jordan Gray
Originally appeared in Jordan GrayConsulting
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