You can learn a lot about a man by reading between the lines of his email.
Pay attention to his tone. Is his script negative and complaining? It’s a sign he’s jaded, he has anger issues with his ex or he plain doesn’t respect women.
Does he try too hard to impress you? He has an ulterior motive; he’s a player, a scammer or serial dater.
Does he boast and brag? It’s a sign of insecurity or a red flag of a self-absorbed narcissist. Either way, you need to pass on him.
Is he vague about his who he is and his past? He’s hiding something, maybe a wife or girlfriend, financial problems or a jillion other personal problems.
Bottom-line, if a man’s message pings your gut, it’s your intuition trying to warn you, this guy may be bad news.
That being said, there are newly divorced and widowed quality men on dating sites who are genuinely looking for a woman with whom to share their lives. They haven’t dated in decades and they may come off as goofy and clumsy in their emails and text messages. Give these guys a chance to prove their salt before passing judgment.
Here are some of my recent messages from men who are insincere, dishonest and predatory—and how I responded.
Note: misspellings, typos, bad punctuation, and heinous grammar belong to the original writer.
FitforFun&Sun emailed me saying, “I loved your profile. I would love to get to know you better.”
He was handsome enough and his bio was seemingly intelligent. I emailed him back and he never asked to meet me, he instead generated a series of conversational messages.
Ladies, unless you want a pen-pal, tell the man, who wastes your time with endless emails, thanks but no thanks.
StartingOver messaged me a couple of 2-liners, asking me did I like to cook and what were my favorites things to cook and then he invited himself over to my house for a home-cooked meal.
“I would like to try your cooking, it is probably better [than taking me to a restaurant!], I can bring a favorite beverage of yours if you like.”
I replied: “FYI: it’s not polite or appropriate to ask yourself over for dinner on first meeting. Or even the second or third. Wait for a woman to invite you over. I wish you the best in your journey.”
LawyerMan and I met for drinks and we had a lovely time—and then I didn’t hear from him again. Weeks later he sent me a text message, Hi, Would you like to get together again.
“Sure,” I replied. “I thought we got along fabulous.” I didn’t hear back from him; 4 weeks later he sent me Valentine’s greeting.
I replied, “So glad to hear from you. I thought you had died and gone to heaven.”
“No, not dead,” he replied.
I think the lawyer truly liked me but, in all honesty, I believe he was intimidated by my confidence.
“Hi Beautiful, This is for your eyes only, I just wanted you to see what I look like in these new outfits. Let me know what you think after viewing the pics. Here is the link match.com gave me, so you can view the pics because the resolution is much for match.com. Let me know if it’s cool or not.”
I couldn’t resist; I clicked on the link (which was non-existent) and my Match.com account was hacked, sending the same bogus message to dozens of strange online men who in turn, emailed me (thinking I was sending them a flirtatious, salicatious message) and their accounts were also hacked, generating the same message to others.