I couldn’t have put this better myself. It is great advice. (Thank you both for allowing me to share this).
Recovery from abusive relationships
Recovery from abusive relationships takes time. Healing is a journey. Years of trauma are not something you get over overnight.
Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.
Taking that first step out of denial was the hardest one to take.
When you’ve experienced manipulation like gaslighting. Subjected you to psychological abuse and coercive control.
When they’ve isolated you from family and friends. There is a lot to recover from.
Accepting you are even in an abusive relationship can be hard. Admitting to yourself you need help is harder.
So, if you have done this and taken those first steps try not to be too hard on yourself.
You should feel proud of the strength and courage you have found within you to leave.
Don’t underestimate the toll years and years of emotional and / or physical abuse takes. How much time and work you need to do to heal.
When you first leave, it’s as if a veil has come off. You now see the reality you have denied for so long.
This was the most painful time for me.
I had to grieve the loss of that fantasy future I had. Accept who he was now, not cling onto the hope of that fantasy man I had in my head.
I, like the lady above, cried and cried.
I felt anger, loneliness, shame like she did.
Like her, I had to be still with myself to heal. I had to process the painful emotions I had numbed for so long.
It was like being in the darkest of tunnels for a long time.
What I didn’t realize was, by doing this, I was walking towards the light.
It is only when we are still and have the courage to face ourselves that we can heal.
I agree you can’t do this alone. Therapy, a support group, self-help books, online video courses. Whatever works for you, lean on it for support.
Facing yourself will mean a tough journey ahead. But it will be worth it.
We need to understand the root cause of why we ended up in this abusive relationship. Why we may have even repeated this pattern in one relationship after the other.
When she refers to healing family relationships this is because it goes back to our childhood. Childhood insecurities can lead to adult trauma.
We need to understand what these are, where they come from and the impact it has on our lives.
To heal, you also need to learn to love yourself first. Repair those childhood wounds.
All this takes time.
Healing is a journey
Healing is a journey. It never stops.
I am still peeling onion layers off myself, after decades. I am learning new things about myself all the time.
When the student is ready, the teacher comes.
You will learn only as much as you are able to cope with at the time. Then the next time you’re ready, you’ll learn a little more.