Try to get to the root of what went wrong in your last relationship. What red flags did you ignore? In what ways was the relationship not right for you? What qualities should a long-term partner have?
Trust starts with you. It’s not that you don’t trust men anymore, it’s that you don’t trust your own judgment. If you can really get to the root of what went wrong, and what you would do differently next time, then you will be better able to trust your judgment going forward.
You can’t punish the next guy for the last one’s mistakes. This just isn’t fair. Try as best you can to start anew. If you need to take things more slowly this time, that’s totally fine. As you get more comfortable with the new guy, be open and honest about your pain. Vulnerability is scary, but this is how we emotionally connect so it’s important to let the vulnerability out in doses you are comfortable with. Else, you will never recover from being cheated on and continue to have trust issues.
4. Choose wisely
This ties into the previous point. The best way to recover and trust again and find lasting love is to choose wisely. I’m not blaming you for what happened. But chances are, you saw some red flags of being cheated on but chose to ignore them.
We all have the power to choose. This is what determines if we recover from being cheated on and get the love we want or not.
I chose poorly and I knew it, I just couldn’t pry myself away. I did what all of us do when we’re entangled in toxic relationships. I clung to the belief that it would get better, and someday everything would be different. As soon as he starts doing better in his career … as soon as his depression lifts … As soon as the stress of our daily lives subsides a bit … then everything will be perfect.
I never could trust him. In the back of my mind, I always knew he would leave for someone else. I always knew I was a placeholder, but who wants to admit something so awful and painful? So I didn’t admit it. I chose not to look at how things were in the present moment and fantasized about what they could be in the future. And boy was my fantasy future off base!
5. Stop waiting for closure
When you wait for the closure to come, you just keep yourself in a holding pattern. And, that doesn’t help you to recover from being cheated on. You don’t let yourself move forward. You convince yourself that you need this magical closure to open the gates that will allow you to enter the next phase of your life.
Maybe you need answers, maybe you need an explanation. Maybe you think these things are owed to you. But the closure rarely comes, unless you want to wait a really long time. You don’t need him to give you an explanation of why he did what he did.
Even if he does, the answer will never satisfy you. He’ll either give you some half-truth to spare your feelings, or he’ll give you the real truth and this will just hurt you.
Sometimes closure is just running into him at the grocery store and not feeling the urge to call your best friend immediately and re-hash every single detail. Just like you have the power to choose, you have the power to close the loop.