9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal

How Emotionally Abused In Relationships

Whether it’s a heterosexual or same-sex relationship – abuse against men is more common than you would expect. Many people don’t acknowledge violence against men, but it’s a reality. It’s crucial to know and acknowledge how men are emotionally abused in relationships.

Most men, like myself, are unaware that they are, or have been, abused. Many men have selective memories. They remember the good times, the sex, and the moments when their partner told them they were good at fixing doorknobs.

Men can be perfect whipping boys. Their greatest strength is endurance in the face of conflict and terror.

They learn, as children and adolescents, to push their bodies well beyond capacity in order to net a soccer ball, or, as men, drive hard into long hours at a desk even though their soul is screaming for reprieve. Tolerance runs sovereign over self-respect.

Related: Women’s Emotional Abuse Against Men

For most men to recall a time they were treated terribly, it may take more than throwing a shoe down memory lane. They just don’t think about being treated terribly, they think about how to fix something, or how to escape, but to recall and feel are the creeds of a foreign god.   

Men are most at risk for abuse when they have grown up thinking they have to please in order to be loved, have drug-addicted or alcoholic parents, or if they’ve been abandoned by a parent or guardian and think it’s their fault. They become people-pleasing puddles of mush, mashed at the stroke of a disapproving gaze.

This false core wound provides ground for any Narcissistic or Borderline individual to come creeping into their midst, keen on exploiting that wound for all its riches.

Narcissists and Borderline personalities, or the skilled victim as I call them, are those who have received the same type of wounding as the people-pleasers, perhaps more severe/abusive but have responded and developed in a different way. They can be men or women.

These types become the opposite of people-pleasing. They are never able to apologize, are uber critical of other people, and are masterful manipulators.

The skilled victim needs someone, a whipping boy, to trim their hedges and turn on the lights for them, and the whipping boy will comply because that is how he achieves shallow acceptance and his own version of false love.

Skilled victims are the most prone to abuse. These are some of the ways I, and other men I know, have experienced abuse.

9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal

The skilled victim will: 

1. Seduce him with all the sex he wants until he has committed; then remove sex, off and on, Infinitum, in order to keep him where they want him. The man will always apologize thinking he has done something wrong to have such boons retracted. This is abuse. Get out.

2. Develop impromptu “sicknesses” just before their man leaves to clear his head, spend time with friends, go on a solo adventure, or business trip. The expert victim will then shame him for leaving them in such a condition.

3. Will verbally abuse him, castrate him with their words and challenge his manhood and self-care. Skilled victims hate seeing people take care of themselves, because it is not something they have ever been able to do, and, quite possibly, were punished for trying to do so. A skilled victim is incapable of compromise, vulnerability, or authenticity. Either you do what they want, or they will do whatever they can to label you as an abuser.

4. Become an expert within the first few weeks around what the man will want to hear. They will build him up. He will be an emperor in his own skin. Once the skilled victim latches on, however, all of his strengths will, like a slow poisonous drip, be challenged and undermined, especially when they interfere with the victim’s need for self-soothing and attention.

5. Talk endlessly of wanting to be together for lifetimes, how they can’t wait for them to grow old together, and in the next instant, they snap fangs at you for packing a box wrong. The man will be split into idealizations and degradations. This is abuse. Leave the leaf of the praying mantis.

6. Empty a man’s bank account on the promise of love then blame him for a poor budget. When they are not getting their way, or if confronted, they will viciously attack a weak and tired man (who’s been working to provide) then berate his lack of energy.

Related: Eight Mental Abuse Tactics To Watch Out for

7. Start fights with the man’s family members, friends, or other males, and if he doesn’t take their side, he will be stonewalled and questioned for his commitment. Sometimes, they will provoke another man to the point of fighting, and demand that you defend their honor. This is abuse. Get out.

8. Initiate the cycle of abuse at night, keep him awake, or try to make him orgasm as much as possible so that he becomes weak and disoriented. If he likes to orgasm, they will pathologize his sex drive. Sleep and sex control are common tactics of abuse. The skilled victim’s main assault is on his ability to be present, think clearly, and pursuit of anything that does not involve the victim’s plans.

9. When a man finally stands up for himself and refuses to take any more punishment, the skilled victim may become desperate, attack the man, and then tell the world they’ve been abused. They may take the children and use this false “abuse” as an excuse to keep them away from him, and then move to the next target (often the children).

This list is by no means exhaustive.

Men abuse
psychological and emotional abuse against men

As an abused man I complained and pleaded. The more I pointed out their behavior, the worse it got. Finally, after having left the Ferris Wheel of victim and abuser, I have uncovered the following essential treasures:

The abuse is telling you that you need to step more fully into your path in life, your passions, and take responsibility for your gifts. The skilled victim will do anything to destroy them in order to feel loved.

Don’t give in.

A healthy partner will respect your boundaries, feel more secure in them, and will have a chance to heal inside your firmness. 

The skilled victim is actually an external representation of the damage you are causing yourself by apologizing for things you shouldn’t, making waves out of your Yes’s and No’s, and folding your dreams for their satisfaction. Wake up. The only thing you should apologize for is not being yourself. Find a way to be You.

Learn about secondary gains. They provide the reason you keep finding partners like this. You are gaining the benefit of not having to be your own hero – a massive responsibility. Take out the IV, get off the bed and stand up. If they keep cutting you down, leave them.

  • Men that lead from their hearts thwart all abuse. Believe beyond reproach that what is good for you is good for the planet. It’s sexy.
  • Skilled victims don’t know who they are. Their accusations and insults are actually how they feel about themselves and their self-appraisals are actually positive characteristics they have borrowed from you.

Related: 4 Bullshit Myths About Men

  • Leaving a relationship like this requires you to grieve. Learn how to cry, join a men’s group (I have an online one), and start doing what you know all along you need to do – for you.
  • Being abused is not a reason to stay in victimhood and complain. If you remain like this you will turn into a skilled victim. Please don’t.
  • If your children witnessed the abuse, your leaving and self-empowering will inspire them to rise above as well.
  • Expert victims should never be expected to change, but as the real victim, you should expect to change yourself.  Abuse, at some level, is a deep wake-up call to spirited action.

Want to know more about how men are emotionally abused and emotional abuse against men by female partners? Check this video out below!

How men are emotionally abused

Written by Jordan Kozey
Originally appeared on Jordan Kozey
Men abuse
9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal
examples of how men are emotionally abused in relationships and ways to deal pin
9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal
How Emotionally Abused In Relationships pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Onto You: Are You Bearing Someone Else’s Burden?

Signs Someone Is Projecting Their Emotional Baggage On You

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it felt like they were accusing you of things that didn’t seem like you? It’s as if they’re dumping their own issues on you, leaving you scratching your head, wondering what is happening. Well, this is just one of the many signs someone is projecting their emotional baggage on you.

You’re gradually realizing that you are being blamed for things that’re not your fault at all. You are being accused to be the kind of person you are not. It’s as though they’re running their private movie theater, and you’ve become their projection screen.

But before we get int



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

8 Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you felt like everything you are saying or feeling is being dismissed and invalidated, even though you know you’re right? If you answered yes, then you were subjected to gaslighting. If you have experienced this, then remember these 8 phrases to shut down gaslighting like a boss.

When someone makes you question your reality, it can feel extremely frustrating and depressing. We’ve all been there at some point. These little digs can make you feel like you’re on thin ice, be it from a friend, family member or that one co-worker.

But hey, you’ve come to the



Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasn’t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal



Up Next

Surviving Toxic Friendships: 15 Shocking Signs Of An Abusive Friend You Can’t Afford To Ignore

Signs of an Abusive Friend: Surviving Toxic Friendships

Do you feel like your BFF is jealous of you? Do they constantly criticize and always try to influence your decisions? Are they always around when they need a favor from you, but immediately disappear when you need support? Then it is likely you have a toxic, abusive friend. Let us explore the signs of an abusive friend and how to deal with an abusive friend.

A friendship is one of the most authentic and purest forms of relationships we can experience as it is not bound by blood or any compulsion. Friendships are born out of mutual respect, support, companionship and happiness. Our friends support us and pick us up when we are down and guide us when we stray too far.

However, some individuals use the mask of friendship simply to exploit, dominate and abuse us. They pretend to be our friends as long as we are of use to them and freque



Up Next

The Playbook Of Deceit: 11 Narcissistic Games Used To Torment You

Narcissistic Games Used To Torment: Playbook Of Deceit

Have you ever encountered someone that made you question your own sanity? Or found yourself caught in a web of manipulation, unsure of how you got there? If so, then you may have encountered a narcissist and have been a victim of narcissistic games.

Narcissists are masters at psychological games. A charming smile hides their darker agenda as they play several mind games to control and exploit you. These mind games narcissists play can be psychologically damaging, without you even realizing it at times.

In this article, we’ll unravel 11 narcissistic games, exposing all their tactics, so that you don’t fall