5. You have personal baggage
Most of us have some emotional baggage that we carry from our past and into our present. Childhood trauma, past experiences and toxic relationships with your ex can often make you feel insecure and vulnerable. And this can prove to be highly attractive to toxic people. Your vulnerability and emotional scars make it easier for them to prey on you, dominate you and abuse you. They pull you down by making you feel more insecure and make you doubt your own self worth.
Relationship therapist Aaron Anderson says “Nobody likes to hear this, but let’s face it, baggage really is a possibility. You can’t help it if you’re hung up on your ex or if your parents weren’t particularly the best and you’re repeating the same patterns.”
How to deal with it:
Instead of running away from the past, start by facing it. Acknowledge your emotional baggage and start healing yourself from the inside. Instead of looking for someone else to help you overcome your baggage, empower yourself with self-love and self-care. “Do some work on you,” suggests Anderson.
6. You’re a perfectionist
You seek to achieve perfection in every aspect of your life, including your relationships. Attracting toxic people becomes a lot easier when you are always running after perfection. By constantly striving hard to have the perfect relationship, the perfect partner or being the perfect spouse, you show toxic people that you are willing to do anything to make your relationship great. “Toxic people are quick to manipulate you into doing all kinds of things in the name of perfection,” writes Lolly Daskal.
How to deal with it:
“Get your self-esteem up to healthy levels,” she suggests. When you have a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem, you will stop pursuing perfection unnecessarily. It is also important that you set healthy personal boundaries. Lolly adds “Practice positive thinking and affirmations, be grateful for your opportunities and abilities, and focus on your mission and purpose to take the weight off yourself.”
Therapist Jennifer Behnke says “No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. You must be willing to balance having expectations while also accepting your partner for who they are.”
7. You’re a positive person
Your positive approach to life may be attracting toxic people. Narcissists and negative individuals live in a dark world and with a heavy heart. Your positivity is addictive to them as you make them feel good and see the light. However, instead of stepping into the light themselves, they will pull you into their darkness. “As the saying goes, opposites attract. Sometimes the positive light you shine attracts people who are craving the light themselves,” explains spiritual chaplain Cylon George.
Unfortunately, your positivity makes you highly tolerant towards toxic people. He adds “You may find yourself enduring their negative and even abusive behavior. And you actually may not realize that you are in a relationship with a toxic person until the situation becomes dire.”
How to deal with it:
Trust your intuition. Listen to your gut feelings when it tells you to be careful and cautious about someone. Although your optimism and positivity make it challenging for you to withdraw from others, you need to consider the warning signs and protect yourself, mentally and emotionally. Cylon suggests “If you’re in an emotionally negative or abusive situation, don’t second-guess the discomfort you feel inside.”
Avoid toxicity, embrace positivity
Once you start implementing the above mentioned suggestions in your life, you can finally stop attracting toxic people and set healthy boundaries. “Focus on taking care of you and disabuse yourself of the belief that a relationship is a shortcut to happiness or feeling fulfilled with where you’re at in life,” writes Brittany Wong.
Your positivity is undoubtedly a gift that you need to protect from those who intend to abuse it. Despite how much these toxic individuals try to influence you, never allow them to convince you from being your most authentic self. Cylon concludes “Just be aware of this reality so you can better spot danger when it arises and take positive, protective measures.”