You pay more attention to how he feels about you than to how you feel about him. Is this really the right guy for you? Does he have the qualities you’re looking for? You don’t really care, or at least, you don’t think about it. Instead, all you think about is how he feels about you. Is he serious about you? Is he going to commit to you? Does he like you or is he just using you?
You play what I call emotional detective, constantly gathering and analyzing clues to see how he feels. You think you’re protecting yourself, you think that this is helpful, but really you’re just pushing him further away.
You can’t connect with someone who isn’t there. If you are only engaging with your own worried thoughts, you can’t possibly connect with him on a real level so it’s no surprise that things will quickly fizzle out.
3. You choose the wrong guys
If you always end up with guys who won’t call you their girlfriend, it’s very possible you’re going after the kinds of guys who don’t want anyone to be their girlfriend. I call them damage cases. They are emotionally damaged guys with major commitment issues. And unfortunately, they are usually pretty hard to resist.
A damage case will never see you as girlfriend material because he finds something wrong with everyone. At the same time, women who go after damage cases usually have a fair degree of damage of their own. They are not girlfriend material.
If you believe deep down that you are unworthy of love, you will be most drawn to guys who treat you like you aren’t worthy of them, hence proving your subconscious right. (It’s pretty twisted, but our subconscious is always looking for validation, even if it’s something painful that we don’t want to be the truth.)
Don’t be that girl who thinks all she has to do is love him hard enough and then he’ll come around. You want a partner, not a project. You want someone who can handle his life, not someone you need to fix. Seeing a guy as a fixer-upper is how codependent and toxic relationships begin.
If you can’t ever seem to get the relationship you want, it’s time to look at the kinds of guys you’re going after. And don’t give me, “I can’t help it, these are the kinds of guys I’m attracted to!” Just think about how sad that is. The only guys you want are the ones who don’t want you? If that’s the case, you need to really get to the root of what’s driving your behavior.
4. You’re a drama queen
Men hate drama. Here is a very simple and basic truth about men. If you can understand this, you’ll basically understand everything you need to know about why men act the way they do. Men move towards what feels good.
If it feels good to be around you, he’ll want to be around you. If it feels bad to be around you, he won’t want to be around you.
Starting drama is usually a plea for attention which comes from—you guessed it— deep insecurity. Maybe you flip out at him over something minor, maybe you trash talk his friends or yours, maybe you just always have an issue or a complaint. You need his attention, whether it’s positive or negative.