What to Do if You’ve Been Ghosted
The main thing to realize is that in the vast majority of cases, ghosting behavior reflects on the ghost, not you. It’s time to let go. Here are some do’s and don’ts to follow.
1. Face reality
The other person has decided to move on for whatever reason. Accepting that is more important than knowing why. The ghost is also demonstrating that he or she doesn’t respect your feelings and lacks essential communication and conflict resolution skills that make relationships work. Your feelings aside, consider whether you really want a relationship with them.
2. Allow your feelings
Realize that you can’t figure out the ghost’s motives in your head. Let go of obsessive thoughts, and allow yourself to feel both sadness and anger, without falling into shame. Give yourself time to grieve. Open your heart to yourself with extra doses of self-love―all you wanted from the other person.
3. Avoid self-blame
Deal with the rejection in a healthy way. Rejection can be painful, but you don’t have to pile on unnecessary suffering. Don’t blame yourself or allow someone else’s bad behavior to diminish your self-esteem. Even if the ghost believes you weren’t what he or she was looking for, that doesn’t mean you’re undesirable to someone else. You cannot make a person love you. You simply might not have been a good match. He or she is not your last hope for a partner!
4. No contact
If you’re tempted to write or call, think about how the conversation will go, how you will feel, and whether you would get a truthful answer from the person. Often times, the person ending a relationship won’t be honest about the reasons or may not even be able to articulate them, because they’re just going with their gut feelings. Men tend to do this more than women, who analyze and ruminate more. In addition, the odds are you’ll be rejected a second time. Would that hurt more? To heal faster, experts advise no contact after a breakup, including all social media.
If you find it hard to let go of your ex and pursue a conversation, resist any temptation to lure him or her back. You may later regret it. Instead, communicate that his or her was hurtful and unacceptable. In other words, be resolved that you’re now rejecting them. Then, move on. Beware that if you’re still hurting and vulnerable, contact may prolong your grief. If you don’t feel strong, such a conversation may not help you let go, Also, remember that anger isn’t always a strength. It may be a temporary stage of grief, followed by more longing.
5. Don’t isolate
Get back into life, and plan activities with friends. You may need a break from dating for a while, but socialize and do other things that you enjoy. Don’t allow yourself to fall into depression, which is distinct from mourning.
© 2019 Darlene Lancer
Written by Darlene Lancer
Originally Appeared on WhatIsCoDependency.com