But as the relationship progresses, you don’t spend much time together because he’s hyper-ambitious and works constantly. While him being a restaurateur was sexy at first, it’s causing you to go into a rage every time he’s late for a date.
My point is the next time you meet a guy and find yourself drawn to his shiny attributes, take a step back. Get to know him beyond the superficial, and then determine whether or not he’s worth your time. If he didn’t have that car or success, would you still be attracted to him? That’s the real test.
3. You Don’t Take Responsibility for Your Own Happiness
Here’s another situation that is far more common than I wish it was.
So many ladies are unsure of how to take care of themselves emotionally, and so they desperately attach to the first man who pays them a little attention.
Does this describe you?
Do you constantly seek approval and happiness from others?
Do you feel incomplete when you’re not in a relationship, and spend your time miserable, wishing for a boyfriend?
Do you let someone else define your happiness?
Okay, put down your phone and really focus on what I’m about to tell you.
No one is responsible for your happiness but you.
And you 100% are in control of it.
If you don’t like the situation, change the channel. Own your happiness.
If you’re with a guy that you like, but find yourself trying to convince yourself that he’s The One, stop it.
You will never, ever have to convince yourself of the actual One. He will stand out like a bright beacon of light.
When you give up your right to your own happiness, you give up control of your life.
This vicious cycle will cause you to be even more emotionally attached to one person (not in love), and put a major strain on your relationship, ultimately causing its demise.
So realize the power you hold, Sexy Lady. You determine your happiness. If this guy brings you delight, great. Get to know him and let love happen, if it’s going to.
Related: How To Change Your Attachment Style
4. You Follow Feelings, Not Logic in Your Emotional Attachment
Ted hasn’t texted you back all day. You’re fuming.
How dare he? Clearly he’s got more important things to do than talk to you, and…whatever.
You shoot off something embarrassingly overreactive…only for him to reply that his phone died and he’d desperately been looking for a charger at work so he could let you know.
By basing your decisions on emotion, rather than logic, you become reactive.
Reading the example above, I’m sure you can come up with better ways to deal with the situation.
You could have texted: Hey, how are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Hope your day’s going well.
Or you could busy yourself so that you get out of your own head, assuming the worst so that when he does text, you aren’t a bundle of nerves.
In a healthy relationship, you will have emotional responses to things. That’s natural.
But when you completely lock up your Logical Liz in favor of Emotional Edie, that’s when you have problems.
When it comes to emotional attachment, you don’t manage your own emotions well. You let that boy-crazy 13-year-old out (even if you’re dating in your 40s) and let her run the show.
But know this: you can have total control over your emotions. Look logically at your budding relationship. Does he treat you well? Does he seem to feel as warm and gushy about you as you do him? Can you see a future together?
Or are you ignoring big warning signs, like the fact that he’s married/smokes 6 packs a day/still lives with his mom? If there are things you think, Well, we can work through that (or in Scarlett O’Hara-speak: Tomorrow is another day) then probably that’s your Logic Liz trying to come up for air to get your attention.
Listen to her.
Start paying attention to what your gut tells you. It’s almost always right. And before you react to a situation, take a few breaths and find a more calm approach that won’t end up in you burning bridges.
5. You Think Single = Unhappy
Ohh, I hate that so many women believe that if they’re single, they’re incomplete or unhappy. There are so many reasons to be content as a single person.
– Your time is your own; no doing stupid things you hate, like watching football.
-Your house is clean. No dirty socks on the floor (unless you put them there).
-You’re free for happy hour with the girls.