How To Raise A Child With High EQ

Although the child’s experience of empathy is what allows him or her to embody the capacity naturally, the difference between an empathic parent and a parent who enables is critical.

If a parent is too accommodating and feels sorry for a child (sympathy), the parent may be tempted to bend the rules, lower the expectations, or give in. Unfortunately, this teaches a child to play the victim, deflect, and project blame, and manipulate to get what he or she wants.

The trick is to empathize, not sympathize, and uphold the expectation.

Examples include:

1. “You are mad. I can see, but you cannot throw your backpack. Please go pick it up.”

2. “You are disappointed. I would be too. I get it but don’t quit, honey. Keep trying.”

3. “You are worried. It’s overwhelming, I understand. But you can do it. Keep at it.”

4. “It hurts to see someone do something you want to do but cannot. I get it. But you can’t take it out on your friend. Please go apologize.”

5. “You are worried about the run. I get it. I get nervous before races too, but you can do this, kiddo.”

A parent who is in tune with how a child feels and honors the feeling, yet upholds expectations and rules, is a parent who empathizes instead of enables.

First, honor the child’s feelings. Next, redirect, correct, reassure, encourage, or problem-solve. Once the child feels understood, less alone, and connected to the parent, he or she is usually more open to the parent’s redirection or reassurance.

If a parent is unable to follow through with expectations and rules, a sense of entitlement may arise in the child. Moreover, shielding a child from disappointment or accountability to protect him or her from emotional pain backfires because the child receives the message that he or she is entitled to receive special treatment.

When a child is able to experience painful emotional states in the context of a comforting parent­-child relationship, it helps a child tolerate and regulate these difficult emotions. This often results in a child who is resilient.

Related: 9 Pieces of Wisdom Every Parent Should Teach Their Children

Conversely, a child who is shielded from uncomfortable feeling states such as, disappointment, remorse, and accountability, may not have the opportunity to experience these emotions within the realm of a safe relationship.

If a young child is left alone with these painful feelings states for a prolonged period of time without support, he or she may unconsciously resurrect extreme and robust defense mechanisms to ward off the emotional pain and shame.

Emotional intelligence is a priceless attribute. Raising a child who has a high EQ is an important goal. In addition, its benefits may have a ripple effect on the child’s family, community, and culture.

The compassion and selflessness an emotionally intelligent human being exudes, may resolve conflict, allow for trust in a relationship, and heal and empower others.


Written By Erin Leonard
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

Like every parent out there, you wish for a child with a high EQ (emotional quotient) is natural. But, when you desire something like that, you need to put in practice to ensure that. Children always rely on the guidance and support of their parents, so as a parent, it is your responsibility to inculcate an emotional balance and maturity in them. If you start doing this from a young age, your children will blossom into emotionally intelligent and happy people.

If you want to know more about how you can raise a child with high EQ, then check this video out below:


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How To Raise A Child With High EQ
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How To Raise A Child With High EQ
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How To Raise A Child With High EQ
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Dr. Erin Leonard, Ph.D.

Dr. Erin Leonard, Ph.D. is an award-winning researcher, author, and psychotherapist. For more than 20 years, she has helped her clients recover their well-being and improve their mental health. With years of training and a clear understanding of what goes into providing a compassionate approach to psychotherapy, Dr. Leonard provides unique counseling and therapeutic services in the Michiana area. Her extensive training and wealth of experience ensure her clients experience improvement quickly Dr. Leonard specializes in individual, couples, and family therapy. However, her practice is a safe and open space for anyone with the need to be heard, understood, and treated.View Author posts