Avoiding all cues that are associated with pain ensures two things: the pain will continue, and suffering will ensue.
After her husband died, Lynn refused to leave her bed. Over and over the thought, “I don’t’ want this” looped in her head. “ I refuse to accept that he’s not here. This should not have happened. “
But the reality remained. Lynn had to find a way to go on with her life.
Lynn started taking five minutes a day to lie on her living room couch and accept that her husband had passed. Palms up, face relaxed, she would take a breath, open her mouth and let out a sigh while saying to herself, “For this moment, I accept that Ken is gone.” Over time she was able to accept and let herself cry on walks. Next, she was able to hold some of his belongings while she accepted that he was gone. Her wall of resistance was softening, and though she felt grief, the suffering became less.
Want to know more about how you can deal with your pain and grief? Read The Stages Of Grief: Ways To Cope With Loss and Minimize The Pain
The way to Radically Accept is to do it radically – which means you do it all the way, with your full body, mind, and spirit. And often, it’s a practice, not a one-time fix.
You have to stop pounding the wall. Instead, gently lean your body against it and slowly let yourself slide down to the ground, soften your face, gentle your breath, turn the palms of your hands open and, just for this moment, accept what is.
And then do it again.
Radical Acceptance is your entry into misery and the way out of hell.
You can get in touch with Dr. Cecilia Dintino by joining the Twisting The Plot email list.
Grief, loss, setbacks, and tough times are not something you can avoid. No matter how much you try to, you will always come across various obstacles. No matter how difficult and impossible it may seem, you have to accept it, deal with it, and slowly try to move on with your life. When you practice radical acceptance, you give yourself the power to turn things around.