And anytime I learn something new about her or see a thing that makes me think of her, I will add it to the list. Not only does this give me valuable fodder for unexpected moments of love and closeness throughout the year, but I never have to stress about what we will do for birthdays/anniversaries/Valentine’s Day’s/etc., as they come up. Try it out! It really works.
4. What does my partner love, that I haven’t prioritized enough of lately?
While surprises are nice, it’s also nice to reprioritize things that you already know register as love to your partner.
Do they love to have your fingers run through their hair? Do that more.
Do they appreciate being complimented on a variety of things? Tell them directly, or write up a note of 100 things that you appreciate about them.
Do they love it when you make them a really elaborate and delicious meal? Bust out the cookbook and work your magic.
“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic” – Frida Kahlo
The things that work for people, generally always work for them. Just because something isn’t new, doesn’t mean it won’t be impactful.
Give them more of what you already know they love, and you’ll both be happy that you did.
5. In what ways have I been overly selfish recently, and what can I do to change that?
We all occasionally slip into patterns of selfishness in our relationships.
Heaping piles of responsibilities slowly take over and claim our mental bandwidth, and we wake up one day to realize that we’ve been neglecting the health of our relationship for longer than we’d care to admit.
Again, the point of this question is to be specific, and honest with yourself.
“Find someone who knows that you’re not perfect but treats you as if you are.”
Are there ways in which you turn inwards when you should be turning to your partner? Such as solving all of your own problems internally without ever seeking your partner’s counsel. Or having your body’s sex life exclusively be self-pleasuring when instead you could start physically engaging with them more often.
Have you been pouring 100% of your time and energy into external entities (hobbies, your career, your children, etc.) and, perhaps, some re-prioritization of your significant other is in order?
Nothing can grow without direct nourishment. Get clear and honest with yourself about where your energy is going, and then reclaim some of the said energy to feed the garden of your relationship.
6. If I had all of the time, energy, and money in the world, and my partner’s birthday was next week, what could I plan to make them feel the most loved, seen, and appreciated, to the highest degree possible?
Maybe one of the rationalizations you have used as to why your relationship hasn’t been as much of a priority lately is that you feel pressed. Pressed for time, for cash, for energy. But, nine times out of ten, (especially for the type of people who have the ability to be reading these words right now) these things are just excuses. Limiting beliefs that aren’t serving you.
If there were no limits, how would you make them feel the most loved?
Sure, you might not be in a position, today, to fly them in a private jet to Paris for a romantic month-long sojourn where all you do is eat croissants and have their favorite musician serenade them under the stars… BUT, I bet there are some creative things you could do, within the financial and time limitations you have that would absolutely blow them away.
A date doesn’t need to cost $800 to make them cry tears of joy. You don’t need a twelve-hour chunk of time to get the spark back in your connection. If you deploy deep, honest thoughtfulness as to what registers as love to your partner, you can do a lot with a little.
Brainstorm out a full page of ideas (of gifts, date ideas, acts of service, etc.) and see what gems fall out of that beautiful brain of yours. Then, schedule it. Whether you tell them in advance (and what level of detail you tell them) is entirely up to your discretion, and should be calibrated to how much your partner loves surprises versus how much they love to have a sense of anticipation.