Ask your partner about their level of satisfaction with your recent sex life. Ask them if there’s anything they would like more of, less of, or even different sex acts than you’ve been having.
This question will be easier to answer the longer you’ve been in the relationship, so have some patience if you’re a new item.
9. What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you if only a small amount?
An open-ended question that gets people to dig deep and show their soft underbelly.
This question is the easiest way to get a window into your partner’s mind by directly asking them what they’re currently struggling with.
As with any of the questions mentioned in this article, feel free to calibrate the wording to how you naturally speak.
Anything that gets across the subtext of “How can I lighten your load?” is a surefire way to increase the feeling of depth and connectedness in your relationship.
10. When do you find speaking difficult and how can I best support you through those moments?
This one is one of the questions that you can ask every few months or so, and boy is it ever powerful.
Everyone has different emotional triggers that make them feel vulnerable in a variety of different situations.
Maybe your partner feels easily attacked when you do something that they interpret as criticizing them publicly. Maybe your partner tends to shut down when you argue about certain emotionally charged topics like sex, finances, or the in-laws. Or maybe something could happen in the bedroom that makes them feel inadequate or embarrassed.
Whatever the reason may be, there’s always a way around it that could make your partner feel a lot more cared for and loved.
I had one client of mine establish a non-verbal hand signal for when they were feeling attacked or vulnerable (it was a two-fingered peace sign held over his heart). When he used this sign it communicated to his partner – when words failed him – that he was feeling like he had his back against the wall and he needed her to be more loving.
To this particular couple, the peace sign meant a number of things. It meant that they were going to take a two-second breather and that they were remembering to engage with each other from a place of peace and love. It meant that no matter what they were fighting about, they were allowed to take a breath and come back to it with a calmer and more loving communication style.
While this is just one example of a way that someone can be loved through difficult moments, there are countless other ways that you and your partner can love each other through the tough times. And the only way you’ll figure out what works for you as individuals are to talk it out.
The Most Efficient Way To De-Clutter Your Relationship
I’m not suggesting that you become codependent-ly obsessed with solving all of your partner’s troubles around the clock. And nor does every topic need to be talked to death. Some of these questions will speak to you more than others and that’s just fine. This exercise is merely meant to start the conversation that very few couples ever have with each other.
A lot of things tend to get swept under the rug in intimate relationships. The questions outlined above are simply a tool that you can use to lift up the rug, sweep out the accumulated muck, and get on your with awesome lives as a happily connected couple.
Do you love the questions outlined above? Share it with your friends on social media and help the world grow emotionally.
Wanting to go deep in your relationship will require efforts from both you and your partner, but don’t see this as a formidable task that you have to do. See this as something that will help you get closer with your partner, and understand each other more. Once you start going deep in your relationship, it will be like a whole new world for both of you.