8. You have not yet defined yourself or your own path.
I know that this was a big hang-up for me for a long time. I wasn’t really sure who I was as a person, who I wanted to be, or who I wanted to become. For that reason (and others) I knew I wasn’t going to be ready for a relationship until I had at least a better grip on those questions.
In order to be happy with someone else, you first need to be happy with yourself. That is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be either.
The idea of “you complete me” is romantic, but it is not realistic. A relationship is not about two people who complete each other, it’s about two people who are already whole and accept each other completely.
9. You put in the part-time effort.
Healthy relationships are not a part-time commitment. The woman you are with is not just another option or a way to pass your time, and she shouldn’t be made to feel like she is.
When you are with her, be with her. When you are not with her, let her know you’re thinking about her. A relationship is a team, and teams fall apart when one of the members doesn’t pull their own weight.
As mentioned earlier, she needs to know that you will be there for her during good times and during bad times. If you always seem to be just sort of kind of committed, she will eventually realize she is better off being single or finding someone who gives her what she needs.
Want to know more about the ways you push her away without realizing it? Check this video out below!
10. You are clueless about how she’s feeling.
On a deeper level than the first point about not really learning about women, you also need to make sure you learn about her. About the one woman to who you have committed your time and effort to.
If you do not put in the effort to become in-tune with how she is feeling or what she is communicating to you non-verbally, you will never be able to form the type of deep, emotional connection that a healthy relationship should possess.
She doesn’t want or need you to be a psychic. But if you truly put in the time and effort to communicate with her, listen to her, and pay attention to the things she is saying to you when she’s not actually speaking; you will gain a greater understanding of the woman you love and ultimately be able to bring more happiness to you both as individuals and to your relationship.
Relationships should not be as complicated as they seem to be for our generation. They don’t need rules or checklists. But what they do need is two people who are willing to learn, understand, and communicate. Two people who will stand by each other when things are good, and when things are bad.
Two people who are willing to work together as a team. Because in the end, the team wins the game.
Written by James Michael Sama Originally appeared in The Good Men Project