7 Essential Psychological Truths About Ghosting


It’s a clear sign that they are relying on primitive coping mechanisms — like avoidance and denial — and is not able to have a mature relationship with you at this time.

Related: When You’ve Been Ghosted: Four Ways To Deal With It

Don’t bother reaching out to them again once you’ve gotten this message, either; if you believe the anecdotal evidence, asking people why they’ve ghosted you may even cause them to ghost you again.

If your self-esteem has been damaged by the way someone else ended a relationship, don’t sacrifice any more of it by trying to communicate with someone who cannot do so in a mature way. You’ll do better to spend your time with courteous, kind people, and your ghost has just identified himself, or herself, as someone who is neither.


Hosie, R. (2018, August). I tracked down all the men who’ve ghosted me and this is what happened. Retrieved from https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/ghosting-men-tracked-down-messaged-what-happened-dating-trends-uk-a8393866.html

Kim, J. (2015, July). The strange psychology of ghosting. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201507/the-strange-psychology-ghosting

Leary, M. R.,Haupt, A. L., Strausser, K. S., & Chokel, J. T. 1998. Calibrating the sociometer: The relationship between interpersonal appraisals and state self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, p.1290-1299.

Popescu, A. (2019, January). Why people ghost and how to get over it. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/smarter-living/why-people-ghost-and-how-to-get-over-it.html

Priebe, H. (2019, February). Why good people ghost: How our current dating culture necessitates dishonesty. Retrieved from https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/08/why-good-people-ghost-how-our-current-dating-culture-necessitates-dishonesty/

Samakow, J. (2017, December). Ghosting: The 21st-century dating problem everyone talks about, but no one knows how to deal with. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ghosting-dating-_n_6028958

Vilhauer, J. (2015, November). This is why ghosting hurts so much. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201511/why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

Williams, C., Richardson, D. Hammock, G., Janit, S. 2012. Perceptions of physical and psychological aggression in close relationships: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 17, (6), p. 489–494.

Psychological Truths About Ghosting

Check out Dr. Loren Soeiro’s website for more details. To read more articles written by Dr. Soeiro, click here.

Written By Loren Soeiro
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

Ghosting is a horrible, and demeaning method when it comes to breaking up with someone. This practice can severely hurt a person’s self-esteem and dignity. Hopefully, these psychological truths about ghosting can help you detect if and when it’s happening so that you can deal with the whole thing better.

If you want to know more about the psychological truths about ghosting, then check this video out below:

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7 Essential Psychological Truths About Ghosting
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7 Essential Psychological Truths About Ghosting
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7 Essential Psychological Truths About Ghosting
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Loren Soeiro, Ph.D. ABPP

Dr. Soeiro is licensed as a psychologist in New York State and board-certified as an expert by the American Board of Professional Psychologists. He has been a fellow of the American Academy of Clinical Psychology since 2013. He got his doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University after earning a bachelor’s degree at Harvard. After that, he worked for a long time at Montefiore Medical Center and as an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. He has also written a little bit about psychotherapy on PsychCentral.com, GoodTherapy.org, and Psychology Today.View Author posts