4. They call you things that you are not
A good example here is blaming you for cheating on them when you are not while doing exactly that behind your back.
It can also be something along the lines of “You only think about yourself and you’re selfish because you’re not doing what I’m asking you to do.” At the same time, they are the ones who make never-ending excuses, break their own promises, are unreliable, think only about their own needs, or compete with you. In addition, they will also conveniently forget all the things that you have done for them.
In their view, they’re entitled to all of your resources. You are aggressing against them when you won’t, can’t, or don’t provide them with what they want.
They will try to use various abuse and manipulation tactics like mocking, name-calling, bullying, triangulation, berating feelings, obscuring the issue, gaslighting, provoking, guilt-tripping, criticizing, or nitpicking, to make you feel bad and eventually give in to their demands.
If it’s not directed at you, then it’ll be directed at somebody else. “Look how terrible this person is! And do you know what they did?” What this translates to is, forget about me; let’s find someone else with flaws and talk about them instead. In their mind, that way, “we don’t have to think about my shortcomings, or we will reach a conclusion that I am great by default because someone else is terrible.”
5. They have unrealistically high expectations of life
Beneath the narcissist’s disguise are layers and layers of false pretenses they’ve created through the years.
As a consequence of their false sense of grandeur, overcompensation, unrealistic expectations and demands become a constant part of their life equation. They then nurture the image of an overgrown man baby or a princess who thinks the world owes them everything while clothing themselves in an appearance of superiority.
Self-perceived notions of grand roles or the creation of some sort of a “life fantasy” adds up to their numerous layers of false pretenses. Religiosity for one is often used as an escape or cover while associations with words like perfect family, man/woman of my dreams, life savior, prince charming and other means of attaining some sort of “fix” could also be a symptom.
Accepting reality is a struggle for them as they cannot relate to a process but just see the result they wish to get. If you attempt to explain to them what is really happening, they will see you as someone who’s making an excuse. No matter what you do it’s never enough for them, and as hard as you try you cannot win, because of their inability to see or acknowledge the so-called “little things” that happen behind the scenes.
They will do anything to avoid accepting reality and become a decent person – and yet they can quite convincingly act as one.
Have you experienced any of these things when dealing with narcissistic people?
Originally appeared in IHeartIntelligence.com
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- The Ten Narcissistic Commandments
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- What You Should Know about Narcissists, NPD and their Partners
- Projection: The Lethal Weapon Narcissists and Abusers Use To Target Empaths