That’s why No Contact is so important. It’s even really not a good idea to have a conversation about the ending of the relationship, because the narcissist is going to twist and turn. They’re going to say things to try to pull you back into the fray, with the blame, the unjust comments, and the out-of-bound low blows.
If you were to break up with a non-narcissistic person, maybe you could have a rational conversation about finalizing the relationship and how that could be done in the best possible way for the family, the kids, each other, how to split up property and assets. That would be painful, but you’d be able to work it out like mature adults, but that is not how things roll with narcissists.
Get prepared to pull away, get out with what you need without the narcissist knowing, and leave a note or no note because actions speak louder than words, and then block off all direct contact. Any contact or barrages that do get through, ignore them. Don’t give them energy. It’s a trap. This includes the smears that you’re going to hear from other people.
#3 – Being Ignored And Replaced
One of the most painful things that can happen in No Contact is a narcissist getting on with it like you don’t exist. A narcissist is a No Self, a consummate actor, sucking from life whatever they want at the moment. When one stage play ends, they can just move stage plays.
He or she may flaunt their new lover and make out their life is wonderful. He or she may make sure that you find out and know or simply disappear never to contact you again. Narcissists have an uncanny ability to do whatever it is that hurts you the most.
If your unhealed triggers have been to do with being replaced or ignored or abandoned, it’s a pretty sure bet that you’re going to go through this dramatically when you go No Contact.
It’s so important to turn inwards and heal whatever feels like is screaming inside of you rather than re-hooking to the narcissist so that you can keep moving forward in your life every day. Getting closer and closer to Thriving, being totally free, and creating real, genuine relationships in your life where people do have the ability to be kind and real and care for you is what you are aiming for.
For now, your greatest mission in this heartbreak and trauma is to come home to granting devotion, love, and healing to yourself. If you do this (and at the end of the video I’m going to talk about one of my resources that can help you greatly) the pain and the devastation will go and you’re going to come out of this on the other side.
#4 – Experiencing Love-Bombing And “Remorse”
The narcissist may try to win you back and the problem with this is that it’s only to hook you up for narcissistic supply again, it’s not about genuine love.
So how do you know that? Because the narcissist, no matter what he or she says at the moment and what crocodile tears they express, if you just fall straight back in and don’t accept their apology, if you don’t just say, “Okay, all right, I accept your ‘apology’.” No matter how convoluted or backhanded it is, if you don’t accept it, then they’re going to start attacking you again.
Or after a short period of time, all the nasty behavior returns, usually worse than it was previously because the narcissist’s ego wants to pay you back for leaving them. It’s likely that you’ve already experienced this, that when you’ve gotten back together things just get worse. So you really have to resist the hoovers. Don’t entertain them.