So, what did this do to my client? It made her feel incredibly insecure.
How, if her person had dated someone who looked like her ideal, could he ever be happy with tall redheaded her? Obviously, she wasn’t his type and he was going to leave her someday.
The ex magnified the insecurities that she brought into the relationship. It was only by becoming aware of it that she was able to understand that that person was his ex, not his ideal. He loved her now and had left his ex behind. There was no reason for her to be jealous.
4. Your relationship is shifting.
Are you a few months into a relationship and are things getting a little dicey? Are you past the initial honeymoon phase and is real life, with friends, family, careers, hobbies, etc, invading the space that you had previously so carefully protected? Is this invasion causing your relationship to be a little bit off-kilter?
For many of my clients, when a relationship starts to founder, whether in ways small or large, their first instinct is to blame someone else, not to look at what might be happening in their relationship.
I have a client whose partner is overseas. Their relationship has been foundering in a big way since his deployment and, instead of taking a good look at why it might be, she is assuming that he has reconnected with an ex who is also overseas.
By thinking there is someone else, she can shift her focus from the difficult matter at hand (what is wrong in their relationship) to the existence of someone else and that being the cause of the relationship instability.
Is your relationship unstable right now? In big ways or small? That might be what is causing your person’s jealousy of your ex.
This is one of the big paradoxes of human beings – our tendency to focus on one thing as the source of our misery (usually our romantic lives) instead of examining the big picture.
A client of mine has been going through a really hard time. She has been struggling at work. She doesn’t like her job and it’s making her feel bad about herself. She should be looking for another one but she just can’t deal. Instead of looking inwards to fix herself, she is looking out for something else to blame her moods on.
And that something else is right there at her fingertips – her person’s ex.
Your person’s ex is a tangible thing – something that you know that you can be jealous of without seeming crazy (because everyone is jealous of their partner’s ex). And it’s easy when you are feeling bad about yourself, to think that someone else’s life is better and that your person would be much happier with that person than they are with you.
So, ask yourself – are you really jealous of your person’s ex, or are you unhappy somewhere else, or perhaps even with yourself? Knowing the difference will help you start to take the steps to deal with what needs to be dealt with so that you can feel good about yourself again and be happy.
Being in a happy relationship and, at the same time, having a partner who is jealous of your ex is extremely frustrating.
You know that you are done with your ex and you just don’t get where your person is coming from and you are worried that this might be the beginning of the end. It doesn’t have to be.
Take a look at the reasons why your person might be jealous of your ex and take the time to talk to them about it. Perhaps, together, you can fix it!
And you can live happily ever after!
Written By: Mitzi Bockmann Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin