7. We resolve their conflicts.
We are troubled when our child feels discomfort, especially in social situations. When he or she is having an issue with a friend, for example, some of us become embroiled in their drama. Some of us find it necessary to become overly involved in order to orchestrate a solution. We can’t seem to back off and let them work it out because we hate seeing them upset. When our children feel sad and have to figure out how to talk things out with their friends, they are learning important life and relationship skills that will serve them well later.
8. We apologize for them.
Why are we so sorry when they misbehave? We can certainly express disappointment in our child and say “I’m sorry this happened, this is not what we are teaching him/her” in a given situation, but when we apologize for our children, they learn that we are somehow to blame when they do something wrong. And that makes no sense.
9. Or, we make excuses for them.
We sometimes feel the need to justify our child’s behavior, because it’s embarrassing. While some of our children indeed have diagnosed issues where an explanation may be what is needed to help others understand, many of our children do not – and there’s no excuse for disruptive or disrespectful behavior. When we hold our children accountable for their actions, they learn that they are responsible for how they behave and what they say.
10. We withhold affection when they make mistakes.
Sometimes we get so angry, hurt, or disappointed by our children’s mistakes or behavior that we become quiet and standoffish around them. We might give them the cold shoulder for a while. This passive-aggressive reaction is something that hurts our children. With it, our children learn that they must be “perfect” in order to maintain mommy and daddy’s approval and love. Our children must feel and know that our love is there even when they make mistakes. They are not perfect, and neither are we.
When we are aware of some of our well intended, but detrimental parenting habits we can tweak them in time for the betterment of their growth and development.