How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You: 7 Helpful Exercises

own your shadow

 1. “I think I’m better than most people.”

 2. “I think I’m worse than most people.”

3. “I hate men for ruining the world.”

 4. “I think that women truly are the inferior sex. They say they don’t need men, but I feel like they would flounder on their own and they’re actually afraid of how much they need us.”

5. “My pain is more significant than the pain of others.”

6. “I wish that there were wolves in the streets who would feast on the weakest people in my community. It would strengthen the gene pool and get rid of all of the talentless losers.”

7. “I should have more money than 99.9% of the world because I will do better things with it than most people would.”

8. “I think that people (over the age of 25) who accept minimum wage jobs have low self-esteem and deserve the societal position they have opted themselves into.”

9. “I love the feeling of being completely in control of someone sexually. It makes me feel powerful.”

10. “I love manipulating men into giving me what I want.”

11. “I wish that my mom had died instead of my dad.”

12. “I wish that the bottom stupidest third of the world would just disappear. Or at least that it would be made illegal for people under a certain IQ to procreate.”

13. “I have fantasized about being raped.”

14. “Sometimes I hate women for how much power their sexual energy has over me.”

15. “I love the idea that I could coast through my entire life on my looks and my charm alone.”

16. “I have fantasized about marrying and divorcing several rich men and never working a day in my life. I believe that putting my effort into my looks pays more significant dividends than investing in my mind and education.”

17. “I feel like my gender/race have held me back in life and I wish I could change who I am.”

18. “I hate money.”

19. “I wish I could travel back in time and slit the throat of my high school bully.”

Not exactly the kinds of things you would proudly say into a microphone at your kids parent/teacher meeting. And yet, those thoughts can live inside of us and we can still function in society like normal people. Go figure!

And remember you don’t have to 100% believe in a thought in order for it to qualify as a legitimate shadow thought. You can believe in it 1% and it would still count. The fact that it’s part of your shadow has more to do with your resistance to the thought (the degree to which you make the thought wrong) than the thought itself.

Thoughts Are The Shadows Of Our Feelings.
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You: 7 Helpful Exercises

Benefits Of Being In Right Relationship With Your Shadow

The benefits of facing and integrating your shadow are innumerable, but here are a handful of what I believe to be some of the most exciting and rewarding ones.

1. Better intimate relationships

Our unintegrated shadow causes a lot of chaos in intimate relationships. Relationships, by nature, bring up our deepest wounding because we’re allowing someone to get so close to us. When we have come to know all parts of ourselves and accept them, it then becomes that much easier to get to know all parts of another and accept those things as well.

Read 7 Elements That Define An Intimate Relationship

2. Increased creativity

Suppressing various parts of ourselves stifles creativity. Conversely, letting go of being at war with long-suffocated parts of ourselves frees up an incredible amount of energy. In fact, dozens of times over the last few years I have been on coaching calls with clients who described feelings of tangible energy surging through their bodies mere seconds after naming and owning a significant, and long-held shadow thought.

Naming and owning a shadow thought can feel akin to pulling the plug in a filled up bathtub. As soon as the block is removed, the water starts flowing again.

When you integrate more aspects of yourself, don’t be surprised to find that your creative energy will pour through you like never before (even if you hadn’t previously considered yourself a creative person).

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