When a marriage becomes stormy and turbulent, and the fight or flight instincts of both the partners are activated, the ensuing circumstances can be traumatizing. Recovering from these bitter situations can take months, even years for an individual.
The best thing to do when you feel like your trauma is affecting you is to stay calm and acknowledge that your inability to cope. You must understand that this is happening because of whatever had surpassed. It is also best to comprehend that whatever has to happen does happen and there is only so much you could have done to salvage the situation.
Grieve for a while after coming out of denial
Another sure-fire step which set me on a path to healing was the fact that I took a very long time to grieve and be sad about whatever had surpassed. For me, marriage was a contract of a lifetime and the fact that this contract had to be broken and each partner had to go their separate ways was a bitter pill to swallow. It took more than a year for me to recover from my estranged marriage.
For people who have been together for a longer span of time, it would definitely take a longer amount of time.
Even years after settling with someone else, the loss of a previous partner can cut you very deeply. We have to acknowledge that this kind of emotional pain is part and parcel of being a human being, having a soul and having feelings.
Therapy and discussions with friends/family, rationalize what happened
The next best step I could take in my journey of recovery was reaching out, whether it was therapy with long, drawn-out discussions with a complete stranger, or slowly but surely unwinding in deep conversations with my friends, reaching out to other people was one of my most significant sources of healing.
When you are knocked into a tight place, where you do not see any more light at the end of the tunnel or when you are covered up in a ball of melancholy in a dark corner of your bedroom. At that time, friends or family turning up or a loved one calling you up can be that ray of hope or glimmer of light which your brain so direly needed.
The friends and family can also help you piece together what really happened during the turbulent times which led to your divorce or separation. This, in turn, can help ease your guilt or hurt, whichever feeling is dominant.
Think positively and keep hope for the future, do not give into the negative voice in your head
For me, the days where I felt hopeless and sad far outnumbered the ones where I was optimistic and full of hope. However, I tried my best to remain upbeat and confident in my approach towards the future.
Life does not end when a loved one passes away, and it does not stop when someone willingly decides to part ways with you.
There is always another reason to look forward to the next day and to remain firmly faithful in the belief that this is not the last plan God has for you.
Reading, cooking, exercising and launching head-first into your work
Hobbies and work can take up a great deal of your time, and it can cheer you up on particularly bad days. Sometimes, you are all you have, so why not make the best of it?