And you know what he does? He doesn’t tell them he isn’t interested. He continues to interact with them but not as enthusiastically as he did before the date. They get clingy and insecure and he just pulls away further. Ultimately, he leaves them more devastated than he might have if he was just honest with them from the start.
Why does he do this? Because he is ‘afraid to hurt them.’
Let me tell you, as I tell him every time, that not being direct with someone, but instead giving them less and less until you gradually disappear, is way more hurtful than being told the truth. Pulling away from someone only damages their self-esteem every time you are vague and non-committal and removed.
So, if you are worried about hurting someone, don’t be. Be honest with them. It might hurt at the moment but they will get over it.
4. You believe you can fix them.
For many people, especially women, we believe that we can fix the things about our partner that make us unhappy.
Perhaps your partner spends too much time with his friends at the expense of time with you. Perhaps he works all the time and does not give you much attention. Perhaps she doesn’t treat her family the way you would like her to. Perhaps you wish she had higher self-esteem.
For many people who are unhappy in relationships but who can’t break up with their person, they can’t do so because they believe that they can fix the other person, and then they will live happily ever after.
Let me tell you unless you are happy with who your person is RIGHT NOW, then you are doomed to be unhappy if you don’t break up with them. People can’t be fixed. They can choose to make a change of their own accord but you won’t be able to fix them, no matter how hard you try.
Are you the “fixer” in your relationships? Read The Reason Why The Girl Who Fixes People Often Ends Up In Toxic Relationships
5. You have all this time invested.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from clients – “I have put so much time into this person. I don’t want to walk away now.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have told them that that is no reason to stay.
Yes, you might have invested a lot of time in this person (I put 20 years into my now-defunct marriage) so don’t spend even one more minute with someone who you aren’t happy with. Cut bait right now and invest the next few minutes, hours and days of your life on taking care of yourself and putting your energy out into the world to find the person of your dreams.
Furthermore, I do believe that any time we might spend with someone, no matter how it ends, isn’t a waste of time. You learn a lot, about yourself and about relationships, during your time with someone. The only reason that time would be wasted is if you walk away without taking what you have learned with you.
So, don’t let sunk time, time that you have already spent, make your stay in a relationship that you know should end.
6. You don’t like to give up.
Another thing I often hear from clients is that they don’t like to give up. That they want to continue to fight for a relationship. What I tell them, in response, is that one person can’t fight for a relationship. Unless both people are willing to fight, a broken relationship will not get fixed.
None of us like to give up and admit defeat, but if you are the only one fighting for this relationship, giving up is the best and wisest thing that you can do.