Yes, yes. I know the mention of sex might have made you pick your head up and smile but, really, sex with your ex is fraught with complicated emotions and, while it might feel good at the moment, the repercussions can be huge. Talking can do the same – only cause more pain than you were feeling before.
So, don’t seek closure. It will only set you back in a big way.
4. Yo-yoing makes things worse.
For many of my clients, they are broken up with and left devastated only to have their person reappear in their lives. Day, weeks, or months after a break up their text alert goes off and there is their person, saying ‘hi.’ That ‘hi’ can lead to more communication, doing things together, intimacy, and raised hopes. More often than not, however, their ex, ultimately, pulls back again, walking away and leaving them feeling worse than before.
And, often, this precise series of events happens over and over, leaving my clients confused and devastated, full of false hope and unwilling to let go.
How bad does that sounds? Worse than where you are right now? It is worse. I can promise you that.
If you don’t go ‘no contact’ then the chances of yo-yoing occurring are greatly enhanced. Any opportunity that your ex might have to contact you, or even if you contact them, the more likely it is that you will go down that rabbit hole that will, ultimately, only cause you more pain.
5. You will destroy your self-esteem.
I am sure that you are thinking that there is no way that your self-esteem can be worse than it is right now. Your relationship has ended, for whatever reason, and it has left you questioning yourself. So, how can reaching out or stalking them make things worse?
Imagine this. You text your ex for whatever reason and they don’t text you back. How will you feel as you sit there waiting, gradually accepting the fact that you aren’t important enough to respond to? Or you do some innocent stalking on Instagram and see your guy with a cute blond. Or his parents, who you loved, post a picture of all of them together at the summer house.
Will any of those things make you feel better about yourself? Instead of just feeling sad, might you feel abandoned, replaced, or forgotten? And what will all those feelings do to your self-esteem?
On the other hand, if you do resist the temptation to text or stalk, you will take back your power. You will choose to put the past behind you and only look forward. And that, more than anything, will help you rebuild your self-esteem so that you can move on and be happy.
‘I am serious,’ I tell my clients, ‘If you want to let go of your ex, you will have to go ‘no contact.’ If you can’t do it, you will have no chance of getting past the pain and moving on.’
So, how does one go no contact? How does one fill that empty space left by the person who left?
I encourage people to just take it day by day. If you think to yourself that you will never talk to your ex again, you will be completely overwhelmed, but if you tell yourself that you aren’t going to reach out to them today, that seems reasonable. And if you take it one day at a time you will eventually just have done it.
That’s what I did with my ex. For years we had gone up and down, trying to break up and yoyoing back and forth. And then, one day, I decided to go no contact. After a few days, he reached out, as was our pattern. And this time I didn’t answer him. He tried again a few days later. I didn’t answer him. Now, here I am, 4 years of no contact, madly in love with someone else and so thankful that I had the strength to do it!
You can too!
Written By Mitzi Bockmann Originally Appeared In Let Your Dreams Begin