What Women Really Want In A Man: The Player Vs. The Nice Guy

the player vs the nice guy

When a man meets these two emotional needs for a woman, he ignites a powerful subconscious attraction trigger that overrides the “reason” and “logic” parts of a woman’s brain.

Sound hard to believe?

Related: 3 Reasons Why Women Love Bad Boys And Dump Nice Guys

Just think about the times when men you’ve known (ever done this?) have completely abandoned their reasoning because of intense physical attraction to a particular woman.

Men are biologically programmed to respond to physical attraction.

Think about how many people abandon logic and reasoning about “what’s healthy” and eat foods they know are bad for them because it tastes good.

Think of how many people spend their money on things they really don’t need and end up broke, then go buy lottery tickets because they “want to be rich.”

These are all examples of how our emotional drives beat our logical, reasoning minds into submission.

And… this is why “players” (we’ll call them bad boys) ignite subconscious attraction triggers that seem to contradict a woman’s spoken desires.

How do bad boys do this?

First of all, these “Bad Boys” make themselves immune to being controlled by a woman’s whims, and this makes them unpredictable…which is exciting.

Think about it, how exciting is it for a woman when a man responds to her by doing whatever she wants because he’s afraid of “making” her feel sad, upset, jealous, angry, pouty, insecure, stupid or some other dramatic emotional state?

As you can imagine, this is pretty boring.

The more of a catch a woman is, the more accustomed she is to men acting like complete doormats whenever she bats her eyelashes.

Frankly, she’s okay with most men doing this because it gives her more power in the exchange… she just doesn’t chase, date, and sleep with these men. This isn’t a conscious process– it’s just that by acting like doormats, these men count themselves out of the running for her attention.

She dates the men who know how to take charge and aren’t intimidated by her.

…And that’s where her needs for security and safety come in…

“A good man will want you to shine. He wants you to be your amazing self. A good man loves to show off his happy, intelligent, amazing, powerful woman.” – Anastasia Netri

Think about this: how secure does a woman feel to have a partner who she can easily bring into submission?

Does this suggest that he’s weak, insecure and submissive OR powerful and confident?

Related: 16 Things Women Want From the Man in Their Lives

Of course, most women would truly love for him to also be a nice man with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s
sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for her, tells her how beautiful she is and who is a great friend (Sound familiar?).

That’s why women say this. They really do want those things ALSO. Nice guys truly make great fathers and companions.

However, here’s where the misunderstanding lies:

Most men are either one OR the other: the nice guy who acts like a doormat, or the unrefined, (biologically sound) bad boy who dances to the beat of his own drummer.

A very few men are both, and since the bad boy meets her biological need for safety and for excitement, she chooses him over the nice predictable man.

Now in case you missed the secret formula is hidden in the last two paragraphs, let me make this as clear as possible:

Develop the bad boy’s immunity to drama and external control, then balance that with the manners, sensitivity, and chivalry of the nice guy and you’ll truly become what women want– the total package.

“People will sometimes find themselves attracted to others, that’s just who they are. It’s what they do with that attraction that defines them.” – Donna Lynn Hope

There are no statistics to support this, but based on my general observations and life experience, I’d guess that kind of man is about one in a thousand at best.

Do you have a burning question about love, dating, sex or relationships?


Written by Elizabeth Stone
Originally appeared in Attract The One
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What Women Want In A Man: The Player Vs. The Nice Guy
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