Relational Obedience: Why You Should NEVER Lose Yourself In Love

Why You Should NEVER Lose Yourself In A Relationship

I gave away all my power to you because I feared to lose you.
I relied on you to see me in ways I did not see myself.


Regardless, it bubbles to the surface, and the soul screams, “Enough! Enough! No more self-betrayal. No more losing yourself in a relationship.”

It’s clear — the bottom of your identity has been ripped out from underneath you.

A voice of terror says… I no longer know who I am with you.

And this is where the work begins. To remember who you are. To understand that through the journey of love, you forgot how to stay in a relationship with yourself.

How could you have known? Certainly, I didn’t. Our biology and Hollywood said – lose yourself in love; it’s the best thing there is.

And so you must come home to yourself.

“Don’t give so much of yourself to others that you end up losing yourself.” – unknown

Re-enter healthy self-relationship… individuate.. take time alone… get to know yourself again… reflect on who you’ve become with your partner… and who you really want to be.

And do this with your beloved. Stay connected.

Ask one another – is there another iteration of “us” that empowers mutual self-relationship? In order to create a more vast and expanded partnership?

We all know that we are happiest when we feel big and expansive, trusting and loving, in the relationship. The soul seeks it.

Remember this, the next time you lose yourself in a relationship.

Dig it? Remember… it’s only fair to share.

Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola

Love yourself, don’t lose yourself

Before you can love another person, you need to learn to love yourself. When you accept and love yourself, you will not worry about losing yourself in the relationship. You will realize that your partner loves you for who you are and respects you for who you are. When you acknowledge the fact that you are flawed and imperfect and so is your partner, you start practicing unconditional love, both within yourself and in the relationship.

“Once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.” – H. G. Wells

There is no place for codependency in a healthy relationship. By building a strong, healthy relationship with yourself, you can actually improve your romantic relationship with your partner. Know yourself to build stronger foundations, practice habits that make you feel happy, explore life individually and allow absolute freedom to your partner to do the same.

Authenticity and transparency will guide you towards self healing and infinite love. 


Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:

You may also like:

Are You Losing Yourself In Your Relationship? Stages of Codependency and what you can do about it
12 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In Your Relationship
Are You Losing Yourself In Your Relationship? 8 Things You Must Do To Keep Your Identity Alive.
How To Know When It’s Time To Hold On or To Give Up A Relationship 

Why You Should NEVER Lose Yourself In A Relationship

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