If you are an adult who was neglected, please know that you can find your true sense of self and worthiness. You don’t have to take counsel from the wounded parents who treated you badly. You can define yourself, and live and model a different kind of life and parenting style with your own children.
This starts with working on your personal trauma and getting it processed. Don’t go it alone; get help when needed and don’t minimize the pain. You may think it is too selfish or self-absorbed to discuss your feelings, but they will catch up to you in the long run.
As Alice Miller said: “I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively — because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.”
She added, “Wherever I look, I see signs of the commandment to honor one’s parents and nowhere of a commandment that calls for the respect of a child.”
Take a moment to think about how it feels when someone truly believes in you and validates your needs and feelings. Empathy is the greatest gift to give and receive.
Written by Karyl McBride Ph.D
Karyl McBride, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.
Originally appeared on PsychologyToday
Recovery Resources for Daughters, Sons and Partners of Narcissists
Dr. Karyl McBride’s new book: Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/divorcing-narcissist-book/
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/about-will-i-ever-be-good-enough/
Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family Audio Version: https://www.blackstonelibrary.com/will-i-ever-be-free-of-you?format=MP3+CD
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Audio Version: https://tantor.com/will-i-ever-be-good-enough-karyl-mcbride-phd.html
“50 Ways to tell if you are in a Relationship with a Narcissist” Survey: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissist-relationship-survey/
“Do You Have a Narcissistic Parent?” Survey: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-parent-survey/
“Is this your Mom?” Survey: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-mother-survey/
Workshops & Intensives
Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Virtual Workshop. Online workshop in the privacy of your own home, complete with video presentations and homework assignments: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/workshop-overview-healing-the-daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers
Daughter and son intensives: One on one sessions with Dr. McBride: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/resources/daughter-intensives
Small group intensives: Build and strengthen individual recovery work and create amazing connections within a community of support: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/small-group-intensives/
Book and workshop website: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com
Recent Interviews and Q&A Sessions: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/katie-hafner-author-mother-daughter-interviews-dr-karyl-mcbride/
Private practice website: https://karylmcbridephd.com/
Psychology Today blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love
Other Helpful Resources
Trauma Treatment – International EMDR Website
Resources for Suicide Prevention:
- Alice Miller quotes taken fromhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/alice_miller.html and https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3335.Alice_Miller
- Bruce D. Perry and John Marcellus, “The Impact of Abuse and Neglect on the Developing Brain” Scholastic.com, http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/abuse neglect.htm.
- Photo Source: Altanaka, (2015). Retrieved from http://www.istockphoto.com/photo/portrait-of-sad-blond-teen-girl-gm485139722-71772363
You may also like:
- Effects of Growing Up as an Unloved Child and How To Heal
- 4 Steps to Recovery After Childhood Emotional Neglect
- 5 Ways Childhood Emotional Neglect Causes Depression in Adulthood
- This Is How Emotional Neglect Affects A Child
- 8 Things You Can Relate To If You Were Emotionally Neglected As A Child