Both men and women who place their self-worth in the hands of their relationships are highly sensitive to rejection 5. At times, I went batshit crazy on her ass because I was so scared of being rejected. In fact, I was anxiously expecting rejection on a regular basis. I wanted a guarantee that she wasn’t going to leave me devastated with my low self-worth, and I’d do anything to make that happen.
This fear and insecurity leads to jealousy and anxiety. We want to control her. Our preoccupation with the relationship drains the emotional connection we had when we started it because we place a TON of pressure to keep the relationship working well, and this ironically leads us to diminish our ability to empathize with the person we are dating.
We tell her she can’t go out with her friends to the clubs or grab a drink with a guy friend. We start snooping and monitoring her, trying to make sure she isn’t doing what we fear she is doing.
We display excessive reassurance-seeking behavior, which can be a source of strain on the relationship. Some guys even control what their girlfriend eats to make sure the girl they date fits his ideal type. 6
Some guys get married right away, because they are so desperate to tie down what they just got.
The problem is that this behavior ends up causing the girl to leave you, or cheat on you. Or you’re going to cut her down so much that she will be a shadow of what she was.
If the latter happens, you no longer have a girlfriend, you have a zombie. You’ve killed her personality with your insecurity, your low self-esteem, your anxiety, and your fears.
The reason you cause all of this drama and all of this pain is because you placed your key to your happiness in her pocket. Not yours. There is not a single person that can be there 100% for you.
You may have already uncovered that immediately after the relationship I talk about above, I got really, really sick.
I was forced, for two years, to deal with my health, my beliefs, and my self-worth issues. Research has shown that the anxiety and stress associated with dependency and self-worth can lead to long-term physical and mental health problem. 7