When a Narcissist is pursuing you like this, do not misinterpret this as flattery, or an indication of the depth of their emotions for you. What it really is, is an attempt to control you and a complete disregard for your wishes and your boundaries. If you tell someone no and they continue, that’s incredibly disrespectful and fully indicative of someone whose only interest is in their own needs – not yours.
I’ve discussed in previous blogs about intermittent rewards and how our motivation can be likened to a slot machine. If a Narcissist pulls the lever and gets what he wants all the time, he’ll pull it whenever he has a desire to. If he pulls it and only gets rewarded some of the time, he’s going to keep pulling a lot longer, because he knows it pays off sometimes, so he tells himself he’s just got to be persistent. When he pulls the lever and never gets rewarded, he will learn quickly that pulling the lever gets him nowhere, so he’ll just stop.
That is the place where you want to get your Narcissist after going no contact. That’s why even occasionally replying makes them persist. You’re teaching them that no doesn’t mean no, it means try harder. Give them nothing every time, then and only then, will they stop and go away for good.
Written by Savannah Grey Post originally appeared on Esteemology.com, printed here with permission