When they have these intense feelings of pain and rage there’s going to be a righteous judgment that’s going to be flung straight at you. This is the really childish, Inner Identity screaming out because it’s not getting the energy that you’re now getting, and then you have to be the enemy. You are apparently somebody who is egotistical, you’re full of hubris.
You’re parading, you’re showing off. You’re the person that doesn’t care about them. Whatever you’re doing that’s giving you energy and acclaim and happiness, then you’re leaving them out, you’re selfish, you’re a really horrible person to them.
Or maybe they’ll even say to you, “You are purposely trying to make me feel insignificant or unimportant,” or that you’re sucking up to people, you’re manipulating people. Maybe you even want to appear this great and amazing because you’re procuring affairs with people.
These will be all the sorts of accusations that you have. I remember in my life before I married narcissist number one, I was giving a public speech about some work that I was involved in. I held the stage, and people were very interested, and I had applause after it.
When we were driving home in the car he attacked me with such ferocity and terrible accusations. “Look at the Melanie show. Look at you thinking you’re so fantastic. If only these people knew who you really were.” I was in shock, I was stunned, but I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about because you’ve experienced this in your own life as well.
It’s horrific when you are being attacked and you’re told that you are disgraceful and disgusting for wanting your own life, your own happiness, your own acclaim, and your own progress.
Of course, this is intensely painful for you, it’s horrific. You are shocked when the full brunt of narcissistic rage is turned on you as a result of your achievements or your acclaim. I know, as I did, when you’re devastated you try to fight back and you try to teach a narcissist to be decent, normal, and civilized, and be happy for you, but it doesn’t work, you get nowhere.
This Behaviour Is Not Normal
This is what I need you to understand, which is my next point, this behavior is not normal. It’s not decent, it’s not even human, and it’s not acceptable in any shape or form.
If you’re having a relationship with somebody like this, you are with somebody who is not a grown-up and is not going to grow up. I’m just going to be really honest with you from my heart to yours. Quite frankly, for us, we need to grow up to know that we deserve better.
This is the thing, so many people who get with narcissists are really capable people. You’re often attractive, intelligent, funny, achieved, you’ve got so much to offer. Why should you be dimming your light to be with somebody just so they’re not going to feel threatened and insecure? Why should you dim down for that? It’s ridiculous.
Real people are happy for you to be happy, they want you to shine, they want to be the wind underneath your wings. This is not expecting … Somebody to be happy for you is not expecting somebody to fly to the moon for you. It’s normal. It’s normal for people to be proud of you and for you.