A narcissist being HORRIBLE. He or she will be suffering horrific narcissistic injuries and narcissistic supply withdrawals constantly.
What does this mean for you?
It means that the narcissist is likely to lash out, in nasty or manipulative ways that are focused on one of two possible agendas – securing much-needed narcissistic supply, or/and spewing the viciousness of their inner-annihilating wounds all over you.
Some of you may have thought, now that this person can’t just run off and do whatever they want to do, that this would bring you closer. However, I can assure you that self-isolation with a narcissist is certainly not the “togetherness” or “team-work” that you would hope.
If You Are Co-parenting with a Narcissist
During this time of coronavirus, many of you have reported extremely frustrating struggles with the narcissist.
Of course, you are feeling triggered about whether this person is self-isolating or doing the right thing by your child.
The answer is, they probably aren’t.
This is where you need to go back to the absolute truth of how to deal with a narcissist.
The more that you try to get the narcissist to do the right thing, the more the narcissist will do the wrong thing – simply because it extracts so much narcissistic supply (attention) from you.
You know I say the same thing always, and currently, it is more important than ever – I can’t recommend enough that you detach, keep releasing the trauma that you’re feeling that is being activated within you and do everything in your power to be a whole, safe and healthy parent when you have your child with you.
This is only possible when you can release those feelings of being so disturbed and triggered. Additionally, what you will find is that the narcissist will desist from a lot of the behavior and ways that he or she has been hurting you and your child when they receive zero narcissistic supply from you.
That’s the thing about narcissists, the energy expended to get narcissistic supply means that there must be a payoff to continue it. If there isn’t a payoff, then the narcissist will focus on getting narcissistic supply from somewhere else.
As many of you have discovered, my NARP Program is a powerful and effective way to reach this level of detachment.
A Time of Intense Hoovering
Absolutely, narcissists stuck with being with themselves, without the drama, distractions, and frenetic energy of the world, are very low on narcissistic supply.
However, we know with technology being what it is, they are very capable of reaching out to people, past and present, to try to hook them up for an energetic feed again.
It’s so important, that if you are done with a narcissist and are focused on your own healing, that you block him or her. Don’t allow a hoover to get through to you.
If any communication is necessary, such as in the case of a property settlement or joint custody, then set up third party contacts such as through a solicitor, or the wonderful Parallel Parenting tool Our Family Wizard.
These steps allow you to have strong boundaries around yourself, soul, and life. This means, “I am no longer available as your snack when you are in need of a feed!”
Being hoovered by a narcissist is no compliment!
To the narcissist you are a mere object, there to give the terribly insecure ego a hit to help grant the narcissist significance. This comes at a terrible price for you. Because you are being used, there is no genuine care for you, remorse for what happened, or intention to grant you healthy or happy behavior in the future.