Either they don’t have the study skills normal, loved children develop with the help of parents over time (because they parents themselves failed academically) or the chaos the Narcissistic Mother or Narcissistic Father has created throughout the duration of their childhood cripples them socially and emotionally from a functional perspective throughout their 20s.
If they refuse to get help — instead turning to drugs or alcohol use to abate anxiety — the children are doomed to repeat the pattern of self-sabotaging themselves or bullying other people throughout their life.
Parents who are Narcissistic may see the child as competition. Somatic Narcissists might be jealous of a child once it stops looking like a baby they can control and starts to look like a competitor for physical attention.
- Moms who are toxic might criticize a daughter (for instance) on the sly for things like being too fat, too pretty, too ugly, too stupid, or too thin — noting that the opposite characteristics are true. Such caustic words serve to drive the daughter’s self-esteem into the dirt so the mother can feel better about her own appearance or bragging rights. Such caustic gaslighting and criticisms truly can and do scar daughters for life. The longer they remain in contact with a toxic parent who undermines, the less likely you are to see them succeed as women in life. It is only by going no contact and doing the internal work necessary to re-parent the inner child that women in their 20s and 30s are able to reclaim power over their self-esteem and functionally crippled [gender-crushed] emotional life.
- Fathers might be jealous of a son’s growing physical prowess. They may antagonize as a boy starts to turn into a man, frequently trying to wrestle or pick fist fights. The circus monkey behavior is equivalent to a wild animal needing to brutalize younger animals in a pack in order to establish dominance. Once the son reaches their masculine prime at 18, they are typically more likely to fly the proverbial coop so to speak, as the rivalry between themselves and dad only exists in the father’s eyes. While the son seeks guidance and emotional counsel, an unfit father guilty of toxic parenting only role models things like dysfunctional communication patterns and brutal misogyny to their son at what should be a key point of growth and development in their life.
- Strong willed children who are loving will stay in touch with parents, typically taking on a crusade of trying to save and re-educate them. Smart kids learn how to go gray rock early on, noting moving out of state to go to college while paying all their own expenses may give them the opportunity to save themselves while going low to no contact with abusive family members (parents, siblings, extended relatives, close family friends, relatives by blood or marriage, and grandparents included).
Narcy people get more obstinate about their need to “win” arguments or social interactions they have artificially projected an air of competitiveness into while attempting to gaslight friends and family into thinking they are being victimized in a narcissistic rivalry.