The Narcissistic Dictionary: Terms That Describe Narcissistic Behaviors

The Narcissistic Dictionary: Terms That Describe Narcissistic Behaviors

Dan refuses to admit that he is seeing another woman and keeps telling Betty that she is paranoid. He continues denying everything even when Betty tells him that two of her friends saw him out to dinner with a sexy blond in a short red dress. This is a classic example of narcissistic gaslighting.

Click here to know The 4 Levels of Gaslighting And How It Can Affect You

2. Flying Monkeys

Source: This term comes from the children’s book The Wizard of Oz by Frank Baum and the very popular 1939 movie based on it. The movie starred Judy Garland as Dorothy, the young heroine of the story. Dorothy and her little dog Toto are swept up by a tornado in Kansas and end up in the magical land of Oz. Dorothy’s house lands on the Wicked Witch of the East killing her. Her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West, blames Dorothy for her sister’s death and seeks revenge. The Wicked Witch has a very scary troop of flying monkeys who do her bidding. She sends them after Dorothy.

NPD Meaning:

Flying monkeys are the slang term for any group of people that the narcissist enlists as allies to persecute someone that the narcissist hates. To gain their support, the narcissist makes up lies that portray the other person as evil and the narcissist as the real victim.

Example: Jon and the Lies.

Jon’s wife Lisa has the exhibitionist form of narcissistic personality disorder. She is a very dramatic person and loves to be the center of attention. When she is angry with Jon, she makes up stories about how he secretly abuses her. She then calls all their friends to complain about the alleged abuse. Lisa cries on the phone and is very convincing. Many of the people she speaks with believing her. The reason: “Who really knows what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage?”

Jon has no idea what Lisa is saying about him behind his back until he runs into some of their mutual friends and they are barely civil to him. The rumors get worse, stoked by exaggerated stories about Jon’s supposed nasty temper. Lisa’s group of flying monkeys now feel entitled to insult Jon whenever they see him. Jon tries to defend himself, but Lisa’s flying monkeys discount everything he says. He finds himself increasingly isolated as the rumors spread and he is portrayed as an abusive husband.

Related: 3 Dead Giveaways Of How Narcissists Act In Romantic Relationships

3. Going “Gray Rock”

Source: The term gray rock appears to have been first used by a blogger Skyler in her article “The Gray Rock Method of Dealing with Psychopaths.” Unfortunately, Skyler misuses the term psychopath to describe anyone that she sees as dramatic, unpleasant, attention-seeking, and malevolent. She includes narcissists in this group.

NPD Meaning:

If you are involved with a narcissist whom you cannot avoid, many people advise going gray rock. This means that your manner during your interactions with the narcissist is as boring, unemotional, and neutral as you can manage. Essentially, you become as uninteresting as a gray rock.

Example: Anna and her Abusive Ex Richard.

Anna divorced her narcissistic husband Richard after he started to verbally and physically abuse her. If it were just her, she might not have left, because she idealized Richard and they had a passionate and very satisfying sex life. But after their son Jake was born, Anna watched him with the baby and became afraid that one day Richard would lose his temper and hurt Jake. Richard was awarded some visitation rights as part of the divorce agreement.

Every time Richard came to pick up Jake, he tried to start a fight with Anna. He hated the idea that he could no longer control her. Getting her upset and making her cry felt like good revenge, and he knew exactly what to say to provoke her.

1 thought on “The Narcissistic Dictionary: Terms That Describe Narcissistic Behaviors”

  1. When I got married, I was confined to a room but had to go downstairs to help my mother in law in the kitchen. After I got married, she made the maid stop assisting in the kitchen especially in what I was given to do.
    Kitchen was downstairs, everyday she would bring tea in the morning, check my things, and remind me to come downstairs. Morning and afternoon. In the afternoon, if she caught me studying, she would begin to poke and goad me about my studies, force me to explain anatomy, physiology, endocrinology. It wasn’t her cup of tea but I couldn’t deny it. Everyday she would go downstairs and make big fuss about her studies and I was unable to understand. I would try my best to explain her but everyday she would bring about some drama. She would come to my room and tell me, she doesn’t have detergent soap, shampoo etc. And her son i.e my husband is not paying heed to it. I didn’t quite get her drift. I assumed she wanted me to convey it to him but when I informed me about it, he got infuriated that she’s getting everything, and she started blaming me, crying and yelling. It continued almost every single day. A new drama. I started avoiding them, then another drama. She would definitely come to poke and goad no matter how much dramas were delivered yesterday and then whatever I ‘said’, just said there had to be another drama. Then I had no knowledge of emotional abuse or such thing take place or countless such examples are present in domestic violence cases.
    Sometimes she would plan bigger dramas, she would sit back and begin pricking her nose for hours until it starts to bleed. Then she will start hollering, abusing, tear her cloths, go out and wallow in dust, crying, abusing us. It was all shit. Now when I am living away, she has come. And within two hours when I was studying, she made such a big fuss. Wherever I have lived ( in the rented house) she and her son never left a stone unturned to make it a hell. Intially, I thought that my husband wasn’t involved in this. But actually it had always been his plan.

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