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Narcissists’ Dirty Little Secret: 5 Things A Narcissist Doesn’t Want You To Know

Narcissists Dirty Little Secret

This also accounts for their envy and hatred of people with whom they compete if only in their minds. Some malignant and perfectionistic narcissists will actively take down their competitors and seek revenge for real or imagined wrongs.

4. Hypersensitivity

Their insecurity also explains why they’re super-sensitive to any slight or imagined criticism. If you disagree, you must be wrong, because they have to be right. They will call you too sensitive, but in fact, it is they who are exquisitely touchy to feedback. When they don’t receive praise, they infer a criticism.

In addition, they need constant affirmation, praise, loyalty, and approbation to validate that they are the greatest. They constantly need their narcissistic supply because they are so insecure. Because their self-doubt is so great, any praise and attention provide momentary relief but doesn’t stick or mean anything in the long run because inside they feel shame.

Read: Narcissistic Supply: How You Provide Necessary Ignition for the Narcissist’s Fuel

It follows from their shame that narcissists cannot accept any responsibility for their words or actions. Because they are so afraid of being judged, they cannot admit any fault or mistake or even ownership of their own words lest they be asked to explain themselves.

In their world, things are good or bad, black and white, success or failure. Any error renders them bad, a failure, and unlovable because they already feel shame and insecurity.

5. Defenses

As a child in trouble, their first defense is denial, which can include conscious lying. Their next defense is to blame you, their boss, the system, or other groups – anyone but themselves. The facts are irrelevant and you waste your time arguing with them.

They may even say that you caused them to do something. Ironically, by blaming you, they’re giving away their power. They in effect are saying that you control them. If you point this out, they’ll be shocked.

After denial, projection is their favorite defense. Rather than feeling weak, inferior, unimportant, or any other negative trait, they accuse you and others of being weak, too sensitive, inferior, insignificant, or whatever else they don’t want to feel about themselves. With projection, they’re trying to rid themselves of their dirty little secret and make you and other people the needy ones with all the problems.

Don’t fall for their game. Talk to supportive friends and professionals. Trust your instincts and get more information on narcissism. Get the Narcissist Quit Kit. Read Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People.

© 2021 Darlene Lancer

Written By: Darlene Lancer
Originally Appeared On: What Is Codependency
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Narcissists’ Dirty Little Secret: 5 Things A Narcissist Doesn't Want You To Know
Narcissists Dirty Little Secret pin
Narcissists’ Dirty Little Secret: 5 Things A Narcissist Doesn't Want You To Know
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Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. She's counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books and other online booksellers and her website.View Author posts