After some time, I met a girl from the city called Alytus. We were friends; we were talking over the phone all day. One day I decided to go and visit her and we made love to each other. But we were working in different cities and I could not be with her. One day she called me to speak about how difficult and lonely it was for her to stay by herself with a baby, a girl of 7 years and a 12-13 years old teenager. These made me feel so bad that I left my job and I started living with her. But it lasted for three weeks only. When I was with her, I was working in construction. It was already almost autumn season. We quarrelled every day and from my experience, I tried to ignore the quarrels and live peacefully with her. All our quarrels cantered around monetary issues. She thought I was rich and I could not handle all these anymore and I left one morning. I found a house for myself. I lived in this house for two months because the cold winter arrived and could not work anymore as the constructions ended. I ran out of my money. I was left with 10 euros. I was lost, depressed and confused. I did not know what to do so I went to try in the Casino where I put the money and I won two jackpots later. So I take a hotel with the money to survive and sleep warmly. I often went to nightclubs to forget about my ex-girlfriend. After two weeks, I was left with nothing but a warm place in the basement. Luckily, a week afterwards, a good man took me to the house for vagrants; I was there for two weeks without informing anything to my mother and I did not want to go back to her because I was ashamed of myself.
Of frequent I went to the library to look for work. I got a job in Spain and there was nothing to do but to accept everything without thinking about the consequences. So it was a blind street. The publicity said that we give you the post to survive and work does not matter, if you do not have money, so I accepted. I was traveling alone only with bread and water because I did not have anything. The trip had to last 2 days in the van but it took me one week because we had to stop in France for the problem of the water pipe. While we were looking through the village, we found a shop after going 10 km on foot. The problem was that nobody spoke in French. I only spoke in Italian, my mother tongue. But we managed to solve the problem with the few English words I knew. We were 3 days to wait for the order. And in the end we arrived in Spain, and all the promises became nightmare. Everything that was written in the papers was just a deception. I had to live with other people in that house who were alcoholics and drug addicts.
I waited two weeks for work. When I started to work, my job was to collect orange and tangerines and I had to load the boxes of 20 kg free and load quickly and do not get paid for it. I had to collect mandarins and oranges as well to make money and they would not pay for hours, but to the amount. I worked in the sun every day; the temperature was around 50-52 degrees. Many could no longer resist the heat, even I felt bad but I knew that there is no other solution until I knew the language, but then I learn it. I lived 3 months with 20 euros no more because everything I earned, my supervisor took it for himself and as he said was for the rent, but the rent costed only 300 euros per month for 5 people. I earned 50 60 per day in a month. I was finally able to earn 800 euros and I always kept a record of the amount of money. He stole 400 euros a month and gave me 20 euros each week for 3 months. I had already gone through hell and now when I started making more money and beating the best workers, they could not believe it so they wrote more 20kg tricks each day for them and took the boxes from me to make me feel inferior to them. When I came to know about this, I left that company. I started living in the open air without a home for a month. And then I met a good person who asked me to work for him. Everything started becoming better. I made good friends and I got better and I called my mother after 2 years and I invited her to come in Spain to me, to try and help her as well. When she came to Spain, I found a job for her and his companion, but they left after two months to Scotland because for them it was too difficult to live in Spain away from the brother of my mother’s boy and they found themselves better in Scotland than in Spain. I was happy for them. The work I was doing was about to end. The problems of the past came back to haunt me. I was totally destroyed by life; I tried to kill myself many times. I did not know how to get out of it. Even when things have got better today, the past still pursues me.