As exciting, exhilarating and life-changing love is for most, it can be terrifying for some people. There are several reasons why love can be frightening –past experiences, the need to be vulnerable in front of somebody else, the chance of being hurt and the lack of reciprocity can all be terrifying.
If you fear love and you refrain from seeking romantic opportunities, you are missing out on a lot. In order to control the fear, however, you will have to adopt a proactive approach.
Silent the Inner Voice
We all have an inner critic – a little voice in our heads telling us that we’re not good enough or that we don’t deserve a certain thing in life.
It’s very important to learn how to silent that voice when looking for love. You may feel that someone is not good enough, you may feel that someone is going to hurt you. Unless you give the opportunity an honest try by controlling the inner critic, you will never know what could have been.
Have Some Awareness of Your Past History
Seeking new romantic opportunities is not going to work if you carry a lot of baggage.
You will have to sooner or later talk a walk down memory lane. Analyzing your past relationships, the reason they failed and the manner in which they’ve shaped up your personality is going to be imperative if you want to enjoy a fresh start in life.
If you keep in touch with your exes and you have a friendly connection, you may even want to talk to them about it. The information they reveal can be quite enlightening and honestly surprising.
People who have gone through traumatic experiences in the past may be incapable of handling the pain on their own. If you feel overwhelmed by your past, chances are that therapy will be your safest bet. A therapist will help you gain some insight about the traumatic moment. You will also get the tools needed to let go and move on with your life.
Build Towards Vulnerability
The one thing that many people fear the most is the vulnerability in front of somebody else.
To be in love, you will have to let your guard down. You’ll need to let somebody else in, somebody who could potentially hurt you or use intimate information against you in the future.
Most people who have been hurt (and haven’t we all?) cannot practice vulnerability. This fear kills the potential of a relationship.
Overcoming the fear of vulnerability should happen in small steps. If you are dating the right person, they will give you the time and the space that you need in order to open up. Baby steps can eventually go a long way, even if it takes months. Going through the process together will forge a strong bond and you will also get to know a lot about the other person while attempting to open up.
Work Towards Realistic Expectations
Starting a new relationship comes with many question marks. Will it last? Is this person The One? How will you know?
Don’t rush into expecting major things a week after you start dating somebody new. Believing this person is husband material or the potential father of your children is highly unrealistic and it sets the course to disappointment.
Let the relationship evolve naturally and don’t expect big things right from the start. Learn to manage your expectations and enjoy the little things that are happening right here and right now. Rushing things will potentially scare a good match away and you will also be reducing the enjoyment of the current state that the relationship is in. take it one day at a time, get to know the other person better and sooner or later, you will have the answers you’re looking for.