And for men…
Men also receive the messages of ‘men only want one thing’, and millions of messages, from media and peers, that a real man is virile, sex-crazed, and always ready to go at the drop of a hat.
This leads many men to a performance-based relationship to their sexuality, and an overarching sense of ‘If she wants to, I have to find a way to force my body to rise to the occasion.’
I couldn’t possibly count the number of times that I’ve had adult, male clients admit to me that they have never said no to their partner’s sexual advances (even when they themselves didn’t want to engage sexually at all) because they would feel unmanly and wrong to do so.
So, news flash, for men and women…
Sexual energy ebbs and flows. For men, for women… in relationships… in seasons… in different parts of the day for different people. You are allowed to feel sexual in some moments, and not feel sexual in other moments. Regardless of your gender.
Your yes is valid. Your no is valid. And neither your yes nor you’re no mean anything about you, other than the fact that you are a normal, sexual, human being, who has an ever-shifting body.
Don’t Compare – Just Have Compassion
Now, at this point in the article, there could be a part of your mind that wants to compare.
“Men/women get the worse end of this deal! Ours is way worse. Yours is nothing!”
The point isn’t to compare pain. Nobody wins in the suffering Olympics. And it is only our egos that want to make our pain special and have our suffering be more significant than others.
The point is to have compassion. To have a greater sense of understanding. To look at our fellow humans and go, “Hmm… I’ve never thought about your side of the equation that much. That does sound really hard. I’m sorry that you’ve had to navigate life in that way.”
Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion
Compassion and understanding are the gateways to true intimacy and connection. And when we have a greater sense of awareness of the context that the people around us are operating within, it’s that much easier to have a greater sense of love for them.
In fact, a few months ago, I sent out an email to my more than 50% female email list and asked them why they followed my work when I have historically primarily written towards men. The #1 most common response was simply, “to understand the minds and experiences of men better.” And so I set out to package everything I had learned about the deepest secrets of men in my last 10+ years of working with men 1-on-1 and in groups to create something truly special.
It’s called Inside The Male Mind, and it’s a ten-module video program that walks you through everything you need to know to understand men more deeply, and to have infinitely greater relationships with them.
You can check it out by clicking here.
Dedicated to your success,
Written by: Jordan Gray
Originally appeared on: Jordan Gray