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Why Men Who Cry Are Not Weak, They Are Stronger Than The Rest

Why Men Who Cry Are Not Week

He must feel his hurt in order to develop compassion and strength, to hold the hurt of his partner.

“Those who do not weep, do not see.” – Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

And only then can he be fully trustworthy to her. Only then can he be the man she dreams of. Only then can he…

  • Stand in the fire with her.
  • Stay calm when she cannot.
  • Hold her when she is struggling.

The Man Box

And it is here, a question that women often ask me gets answered.

“How come my man is so shut down?”

I often say, he was raised to be that way as a boy. He was taught feeling…

  • Fear makes him a “wimp.”
  • Joy makes him “gay.”
  • Sadness makes him a “sissy.”
  • And anger makes him “manly.”

He was raised in “The Man Box.” A restricted container, confining him to a limited range of emotions. It started at age five or even earlier – at school on the playground or at home with his father or brother.

“Be a man.”
“Suck it up.”
“Don’t cry.”

The Man Box dilutes his gifts as an adult male. Compromises his access to compassion, patience, love, kindness, presence, and a range of emotions. In The Man Box, he lives in a black and white world, his freedom to live as an enlivened, vibrant man severely handicapped.

To get out of The Man Box, he must fight… until his death, until his old way of masculinity dies. And then he can reclaim his emotional life.

But he won’t go there until it’s clear his current life is clearly no longer working. Until crisis hits. Until he loses things and loved ones. Until he taps his tears.

What he must realize is this.

“Only boys keep their cheeks dry.
Only boys are afraid to cry.
Men thank God for their tears.”
-Rain, Vachel Lindsay

And in time, he learns…

Tears are a gift.
Tears release energy.
Tears are peacemakers.

Tears bring peace to a man’s oppressed heart.
Tears increase his rate of survival.
Tears strengthen his bond with others.

Read: Decoding Men: What He Says Vs What He Really Means

Tears make men richer

Tears of the heart contain the chemical leucine-enkephalin, an endorphin that reduces pain and improves mood.

Tears do not rob a man of his masculinity. In fact, they refine his masculinity. From heartbreak, he learns his healthy powers of assertion, supplanting old patterns of violent aggression.

Tears do not make a man a woman. They make him an emotionally richer and more empathic man. A man to whom the world can relate. A man who can fight for what is right in the world, instead of just what’s right for his wallet.

Tears enable a man to be in a strong relationship with himself, in order to be in a strong relationship with his partner, his family, and the world. Yes, back to self-relationship for a healthy partnership.

I have shed many tears myself. Over the last five years, in particular. Enduring and battling old selves that needed to die. Ritualizing grief in death. Crying tears for life.

The death of a marriage.
The death of a career.
The near-death (amputation) of a leg.
The death of a country.

Tears washed away the muck in my soul, begging to be cleansed.

Read: 11 Personality Traits Of A Sigma Male That Sets Them Apart

Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola

What does it mean to be a man?

Does it mean he has to be invincible? Emotionless? A person who has no feelings? Someone who is not allowed to cry? If crying makes them any less of a man, then we need to immediately change our mentality as a culture. If strong women can cry, then so can strong men. It’s time to get rid of all the double standards and start appreciating the men who do cry…because they are the real men. 

Only Real Men Cry: Men Who Cry Are Not Weak, They Are Stronger
Only Real Men Cry: Men Who Cry Are Not Weak, They Are Stronger
Why Men Who Cry Are Not Week PIN
Why Men Who Cry Are Not Weak, They Are Stronger Than The Rest
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Stuart Motola

Stuart Motola specializes in helping individuals and couples attract and maintain a fulfilling partnership. He helps individuals attract who they seek (i.e. date more effectively), kill the voice of desperation and aloneness, and know the difference between a love that makes you big versus a love that makes you small. He teaches couples how to repair after conflict, cut unconscious cycles of projection and blame, communicate more responsibly, and to take risks to reignite passion and aliveness. Stuart has shared his expertise as a coach, author, speaker, and facilitator throughout the world and wrote the #1 Amazon best-selling book “Fixing You Is Killing Me: A Conscious Roadmap To Knowing When To Save And When To Leave Your Relationship.”View Author posts