4. Initiating Sexual Activity
A number of men also indicated that separate from being touched in what might be considered romantic ways (such as in the example above), when their partner overtly expressed her interest in having sex, to the point that she initiated sexual activity, it made them him feel wanted and increased his own interest in having sex.
“I feel desired when she initiates sex, either verbally or through touch.”
“Without prompting… she will initiate contact with me. Cuddling, hugging, kissing, pulling me into the bedroom or just telling me she wants to have sex”
5. Enthusiastic Partner
Finally, men in my study indicated that it was not just the build-up to having sex that made them feel desired, but also how their partner interacted with them during sexual activity that mattered. That is, men indicated that having an emotionally present partner who was excited and “into” sex was a huge component of their own sexual desire and enjoyment and that they had no interest in having sex with someone who was just waiting for sex to be over.
“By giving herself to me. This is not sexual. This is when we get together and blot out all of the other real-world distractions and focus on ourselves. Sharing our feelings towards each other without distraction. Let the chemistry work.”
What We’re Missing
Despite the majority of men in my study indicating that feeling sexually desired by their female partner was an important part of their sexuality when I asked men if there was anything, they wished their partners were doing more to help them feel desired only 12% of participants indicated their partner made them feel as desired as they wanted.
The other 88% of participants indicated that they wished their partner did the things described above. In fact, some participants indicated they were reflecting back on times when their partner used to do these things or said they were imagining things they would like their partner to do but indicated it was not something they actually experienced in their relationship.
Men’s desire to feel desired has important implications, particularly in heterosexual relationships. First, it’s important to consider how much space we’re leaving in our society for men to be vulnerable, wanted, desired, and not always be the ones who are dominant and in control during sexual encounters.
While women certainly aren’t at fault, nor purely responsible for making their partner’s feel desirable, it may be empowering for some women to consider taking a more active sexual role through pursuing, desiring, and initiating sex with their partner instead of being more passive and responsive, as the more traditional, stereotypical sexual roles our society continues to prescribe.
Written By Sarah Hunter Murray, PhD
Originally Appeared On Sarah Hunter Murray, PhD
Even though society might portray men as people who are always looking for sex, and sex is the only thing on their minds, the truth is far from different. They also want to be sexually desired and made to be felt special. Men have emotions just like women, and making them feel desired is one of the best ways to keep them happy.