Narcissists and HSPs: A Match Made In Hell

Narcissists and HSPs Match Made In Hell

14. If bullied or scapegoated by Narcs, you may approach life with a hyper vigilance that may border on paranoia.

15. Because of your giving, empathetic nature, you find yourself attracted to those who abuse you or use you.

16. You put the needs of others before your own and may sabotage your own happiness or success in the process.

17. You get very upset when you hear or read news stories about children, animals, or adults who have been abused or killed.

18. You may have decided to stay away from reading or listening to the news because so much of it is negative and upsets you.

19. You may have reached the point where you feel no one can be trusted (but it’s in your nature to still want to trust others and give them the benefit of the doubt).

20. You are prone to deep depressions and feelings of despair (sometimes this manifests as irritability and grouchiness), sometimes these depressions are not explainable by any personal situation; you also have the ability to feel the heights of pure joy when you feel in balance with the world around you or with those who truly care for you and love you unconditionally.

21. You may be attracted to the performing or visual arts, or to poetry or creative writing. You may well have a talent in these endeavors. You also may have a strong interest in spiritual and metaphysical matters.

22. You may have intuition so strong it borders on psychic ability–you may be able to “read” the emotions of people you have never even met before, or even deduce what type of situation they are facing in their lives.

23. You may feel you can detect the presence of the supernatural.

24. You may feel strongly you do not fit in the world very well and that you have poor survival instincts.

25. Most importantly, when dealing with a narcissist, you may have the ability to hone in on their true nature, and see how horrifying it really is, both to the Narc and to others.

I want to extrapolate more on #25 because it’s at the core of why Narcissists (the natural bullies of the world) are so attracted to HSPs (the natural empaths) and why they so often wind up in their unholy psychological death dance together.

Related: 20 Things You Do Differently Because You’re A Highly Sensitive Person

It’s a Love/Hate dichotomy.

Narcissists have a love/hate relationship with the HSP.

What the narcissist sees in the HSP is a person who wants to trust, is easily manipulated (because they always like to give the benefit of the doubt), easily taken advantage of, and shows their hurt when wronged. They see a person who has insight into why other people tick and are self-aware and introspective. More than other people, they can easily be coerced into blaming themselves if things go wrong because they can be shamed or embarrassed so easily. They are unlikely to attack the narcissist (at least at first) and they crave love and acceptance.

What the HSP sees in the Narcissist is a person who seems strong and in control of things; at first, this may make the HSP feel safe and validated when the Narcissist is love bombing them to woo them into a relationship. Since Narcissists are usually quite aggressive when trying to rope in the HSP into commitment, making all sorts of promises to the HSP that sound wonderful at the time. Soon, the HSP falls in love with the Narc and the match from hell is conceived.

The dynamics in a family with an HSP child raised by a narcissistic parent are different because no love-bombing phase is required (except when the child is an adult and threatens to leave or go No Contact with the Narc parent). Shortly after an HSP child is born, the Narc parent quickly realizes this child is vulnerable and can be used as their narcissistic supply to boost themselves up at the expense of that child. Often, the Narc parent will coerce other family members (often siblings of the HSP) to act as “flying monkeys” in the bullying of that child.

Unfortunately, such children are so sensitive they are often bullied at school as well, and the child may feel there is no safe place of their own. As a result, they may turn inward, creating imaginary friends or worlds in which they can escape. My mother hated it when I went inside my head into my imaginary worlds and punished me for acting “spooky.” I couldn’t help it though: it was the only “place” where she could not get to me.

Related: 12 Signs You Are Married To A Narcissist

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