And if you ever score a point against someone who’s arguing in a manipulative style, you might find the focus of the argument suddenly changes to another point—one you’ll have more difficulty refuting.
Unrelated concepts may be brought into an argument to support it, in ways that are confusing or destabilizing. Overall, you’ll usually feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around a person who behaves this way, never knowing what may set them off. It indicates that the manipulator is insecure about taking responsibility, about recognizing that they, too, have some faults.
Once you begin to recognize this, you’ll see that these manipulation techniques do not usually emerge from malicious intent. They occur because of deep emotional dysregulation, coupled with insufficient coping skills. People who manipulate are expressing their internal hurt and confusion in the context of their relationships by attacking instead of reaching out, or insulting instead of apologizing, blaming instead of accepting responsibility. They aren’t able to deal with the unhappiness inside themselves, so they project it onto others.
If you want to know more about the things that manipulative people do to control you, then check this video out below:
This is often true in the case of borderline personality disorder, where the sufferer experiences profound disruptions to his or her sense of self, while his or her close relationships are hit with collateral damage. Persons with borderline personality organizations may feel deep-rooted and extreme needs for love and acceptance, but find that these needs are perpetually stymied by the typical challenges that relationships present.
The result is a kind of emotional hypersensitivity and over-reactivity, as well as a reversion to primitive defense mechanisms, like denial. In response to the frustration and anger they feel when they cannot satisfy their powerful internal needs, persons with borderline personality disorder resort to the manipulative behaviors described above.
While not every instance of manipulation is evidence for borderline personality disorder, it is nevertheless important to understand the intrapsychic transformations that elicit this behavior. Manipulative actions and argumentation like the above can cause a great deal of harm, or even ruin a relationship if no one recognizes it as an expression of need rather than an effort to dominate.
Davenport, B. (2015, February 8). How to recognize the eight signs of emotional manipulation. Retrieved from https://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/emotional-manipulation Heitler, S. (2014, May 2). Are BPD "drama queens" manipulative, sadistic, and worse? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201405/are-bpd-drama-queens-manipulative-sadistic-and-worse Kvarnstrom, E. (2017, October 13), Understanding BPD emotional manipulation techniques and how treatment can help. Retrieved from https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/understanding-bpd-emotional-manipulation-techniques-and-how-treatment-can-help/
Written By Loren Soeiro Originally Appeared In Psychology Today