How To Make Him Realize He’s Losing You

At the beginning of a relationship, a man would put in a lot of effort to impress and please his woman. But as the relationship becomes more intimate, men often tend to pull back and become comfortable. He will stop appreciating what you do for him. Are you being taken for granted by your man, and want to make him realize he’s losing you?

How to make him really understand that he’s at risk of losing this relationship?

Maybe you feel like he’s taking you for granted, maybe he’s not appreciating your relationship and he doesn’t notice all the ways you love him.

Maybe it’s time to wake him up and give him a little kick in the butt.

Before you end the relationship, you want to know that you’ve given it your best shot. You want to see if you can wake this guy out of his stupor and get him to see what he has in you.

Before we jump into how to make him realize he’s losing you, I have to show you the number one mistake women make when it comes to getting respect in a relationship. This relationship mistake comes up because of how you were probably raised and socialized— not by your parents either— it’s your friends.

Read 10 Mistakes Most Men Make In Relationships

You see, girls are taught from a very early age that, “go along equals get along.”

Unlike male friendships which are based on shared interests and hobbies and activities, the key to female relationships and friendships is self-disclosure and emotional support.

Both of which are often mutually incompatible with demanding to get your own needs met as a woman.

Women are brought up to go along and to get along but it’s imposed as a rule of all female friendships and social cliques. So be sure to take a good, long look at your own habits.

Do you fall victim to this kind of thinking?

Are you easily manipulated by your need to be liked and approved of?

If so, you’re going to want to root that out and manage it.

Read 8 Tips To Stop Being Taken For Granted

All right, let’s jump in with tip number one to make him realize he’s losing you.

1. Let him eat hot… nothing.

Sometimes the biggest wake-up call for a guy is when he starts to sense that there’s been a change in the dynamic of the relationship.

There’s this place in a relationship where a guy thinks he’s got the upper hand. It usually happens a few weeks after he slept with you.

Now, a warning. I’m generalizing a bit here, but I’m going to tell it like it is. I’m not going to be politically correct and after all, that’s why you’re here. Carlos tells you the truth, not just what you want to hear.

So what happens is, after the guy sleeps with the girl, he starts to think, “Oh I don’t have to put so much effort into it.”

He starts to pull away a little bit. Then, the woman starts trying to make up for all of that and she ends up putting up all the effort that he should be.

Don’t do that.

Don’t fall into this trap because this is why a lot of guys pull away.

When you’ve invested a lot of time and emotion and effort into something, you’re going to be much more protective and possessive of it which is why you have to find a place to back off for a while in a relationship where you’re putting too much into it.

Go dark on him.

Stop answering his calls and texts for a few days.

Give him a little reason to wonder about what you’re up to and maybe even worry.

If you feel a little bit uneasy about doing this, remember that he’s doing it to you by accident all the time.

Read 10 Reasons Why Your Man Avoids Getting Emotionally Attached To You

How do you feel when he goes dark, when he doesn’t answer your calls or texts?

You worry, don’t you?

I’m not saying to torture him, but you would do well to get your own life really busy so that maybe you forget him for a little bit.

This will give him a reason to double-check his assumptions about you and his control over you and the relationship.

Make HIM worry about losing you.

2. Be more selfish.

We’re taught at a young age that being selfish is a bad thing, especially for a female.

This is actually a lie. Being selfish is very constructive and it’s also positive. I mean for a four-year-old, of course, it’s great advice. “Don’t be selfish. Learn how to share and how to get along.”

But after about the age of 10, that’s a lesson that you’ve either got or you don’t. And quite honestly, you learn it by just interacting with your friends anyways.

When we get older, we often think that putting ourselves first is a huge sin when exactly the opposite is true.

If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll never really be much good for other people. It’s like that part of the speech they give you on an airplane when they talk about the oxygen masks. Put yours on first before you help the person next to you.

You have to be making sure that you’re safe and capable otherwise how can you help other people? I’ll give you a quick answer.

You can’t.

What I’m really telling you here is this.

Stop doing so much work to make him love you.

First, it’s not working the way you think it is.

Second, that’s ultimately not what makes a man love you. When you cook his dinner, clean his house, do the laundry, shop for groceries, pull all those little curly’s out of the drain, pick up his undies off the floor, all that stuff.

When you do that stuff, he will expect you to do everything for him.

As soon as he realizes how reliant he is on you, he’ll start working to keep that relationship that he otherwise might lose. Men fall in love with a woman because she does— in some small way— complete him.

Mostly, he falls in love with a woman because he realizes she doesn’t really need him.

In that discovery, he sees her strength. He can add to his own in the relationship and that is how a relationship becomes strong and honest. Let him know that he could lose you.

Related: 6 Reasons Why Strong Women Keep Attracting The Wrong Guys

3. Remind him he’s only a lease.

Being a couple when you’re not married is the same as renting an apartment. It’s not so permanent as you might think.

Marriage is like buying a house. It’s still not permanent, but it’s a bigger commitment.

Remind him that he’s just a lease right now. You have to do this every so often to make sure he doesn’t start taking you for granted.

Here are a few ways you can make him realize he’s going to lose you by reminding him he doesn’t have a permanent place in your life.

• My way or the highway.

If you let him get his way most of the time, pull the plug on that for a little bit. A few times per week, you choose the restaurant for once. Choose the wine, the movie, the position, and let him know that you have your own willpower.

• Flirt with guys a little bit.

This one is a true test of your willpower and it’s where most women chicken out. They’ll say, “Oh I can never do that, Carlos.” And yet you do it all the time anyway.

I’m not saying to lead on some other guy, but you have every right to feel the desire of other men. It’s what you really want and that’s not cheating. That’s just checking your market value, honey.

• Change your access codes and passwords.

Make him wonder what’s up all of a sudden even if nothing is.

He might be feeling entitled to get into your phone or your computer but that’s not part of the deal. The more questions he’s wondering about you, the more he’s thinking about you.

• There’s nothing wrong with reminding a guy what he’s got in your relationship.

He’s not going to just suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, roll over, wake you up and start telling you how much he appreciates and loves you.

Nope. Not going to happen.

“No one really appreciates what they have until it’s gone” as the saying goes. You don’t have to go that far and you shouldn’t wait that long.

Remind him now about how he could lose you or you’re going to find him taking a chance on the next one that comes along. It’s up to you to keep your value first and foremost in his mind.

Human beings are not naturally wired for appreciation. Don’t risk your relationship with his ability to remember how valuable you are to him.

Make it happen.

Written by Carlos Cavallo
Originally appeared in Attract The One