Loving The Emotionally Detached Man
The emotionally detached man will court you, fall in love with you and even marry you—but when he gains your love and commitment, he withdraws his communication and affection.
Guys, flip the dialog.
In the beginning, the emotionally detached man may work hard to win your love, affection, and commitment. He texts and calls you frequently and he takes you out on dates. He praises you and he surprises you with gifts and flowers. He wants to have frequent sex with you but you feel there is something missing within your relationship. He’s physically present but you struggle to achieve emotional intimacy with him; nevertheless, his intense pursuit impresses you, he seems like “marriage material” and so you minimize his withdrawn, tight-lipped behavior and you allow yourself to fall in love with him.
You settle into the relationship with your guy and soon after, he emotionally detaches from you. He quits opening your car door, he quits holding your hand in public and he quits sending you regular “check-in” text messages. He quits enjoying conversation with you. He checks his iPhone messages and scrolls his Facebook wall during dinner. He immerses himself into his work, hobbies, and computer. He stops cuddling with you and he gives you feigned affection: a half-hug and a dutiful, “I love you.” His foreplay is perfunctory, minimal or non-existent. He is no longer tender, loving and affectionate towards you. He puts more feeling into his dog than he does you.
You are no longer his top priority.
The emotionally detached man is not a bad guy, in fact, he is often a super nice guy. He willingly performs “acts of service” for you. He remembers your birthday, anniversary and Valentine’s Day with gifts, cards and flowers. He’s nice to your parents and children. He escorts you to soirees, he gives you the freedom to enjoy your friends and he supports your career and outside interests. He goes to church with you, he is generous with his money and he rarely says a harsh word to you—and yet, you feel a suffocating void in your relationship with him.
You tell him you’re not getting your needs met. You express that you need mental, emotional and physical intimacy, and although you appreciate his acts of service, (taking out the trash, taking your car through inspection, picking up your dry cleaning, etc.), your love language is quality time together, verbal validation and physical touch.
Sadly, your pleas roll off him because he is tone deaf to your emotional needs.
If ONLY he would express an ounce of genuine affection for you, you could tolerate his emotionally withholding nature.
Arguing with an emotionally detached man will test your sanity.
Your arguments with him are one-sided: you cajole, cry and beg him to pay attention to you but he is unmoved by your obvious emotional pain and tears. His rejection and lack of sympathy wounds you deeply. Your anger and resentment comes out sideways as harshness and criticisms. You eventually detonate, he shuts you out completely and he goes into his cave and he waits for you to “just” get over it.