How to Help a Loved One Who is Healing From Narcissistic Abuse


9. Empower him/her. Pathological people seek out smart, successful, empathic people as targets for their abuse. It is because of their emotional IQ and compassion that the survivor was targeted.  S/he will heal in time and reclaim their wellness.

Here’s what you can refrain from doing:

1. Do not blame, shame, or criticize your loved one.  

2. Question the timing of the healing process and how long it seems to be taking to heal (on average, with solid No Contact with an abuser, a survivor may take at minimum 18 months to really heal from the traumatic relationship, and usually longer even with psychotherapy and other interventions).

3. Do not encourage contact with the abuser. Part of the healing process is breaking free from a pathological person and going No Contact (or Limited Contact in the case that that the survivor shares children/a business).

4. Do not suggest the survivor is responsible for their abuse. Abuse is never ok. There is no excuse for abuse, and it is not the survivor’s fault.

5. Do not intervene between the survivor and the narcissist. Allow the survivor to be empowered to seek out his/her own qualified therapy and legal support. 

Contributed by the author


  1. As a parent of a goal oriented son married to a narcissist who has abused both of us, it is obvious that this is an addictive quagmire. What has been an eye opener is that my son does not see nor acknowledge the abuse. It has been a struggle to maintain a relationship with him. Unfortunately, my DIL launched a smear campaign against me in retaliation for being called out on dangerous behaviour in public in Europe in light of terrorism. My family has ostracised me and most of my friends just don’t get it and I am the crazy one and the parent who cannot let go. My DIL has the potential to get violent, too! I have gone NO CONTACT with her and she is not allowed in my house at this time. She is too covert and people comment about how happy they are based on professionally taken photos though fake. If and when my son realises the abuse and finally says “NO!” he will need a lot of help. I will be ready to validate his experience but I have set firm boundaries with NO CONTACT with my DIL for my own safety and well being. We cannot negotiate with bullies and terrorists. Uninformed people need to get educated on narcissism and GET OVER telling people trapped in this quagmire to GET OVER IT! Schools need to revamp and help children identify narcissists. Book classics and age appropriate videos are full of examples. Thos of us who are experiencing narc abuse in families, workplace, among friends, etc., have an obligation to educate others on this insidious, pervasive disorder.