Romantic Chemistry — A Trick in Disguise?
In an unconscious attempt to heal this wound, many of us search for that one special person who can love us enough to make us whole, but we fail to take into account that the wise Universe has another plan.
A substantial component of what we call romantic chemistry is the unconscious pull towards someone who will not meet our primary emotional need, and, as a result, trigger our emotional issues. Of course, when we first get to know this person, and we feel attracted, we usually believe that he/she will provide us with what we need emotionally, even if we are not sure what that is – which is generally the case.
So, we open our hearts and we let this person in, totally expecting the relationship to grow and flourish, but within days, weeks, months, or years, we recognize that we feel hurt and unloved because our partner is not giving us what we need emotionally, and then we blame him/her for withholding love. In the long run, the resentments increase, and relationships end in heartache.
Our love language is really a language of emotional needs. No matter how much your partner says, or does, the “right” things, if he/she doesn’t meet your primary emotional need, you will likely feel unloved and unsatisfied.
This is the cause of dysfunction in virtually every problematic relationship. When our partner is not meeting our primary emotional need, we either sacrifice ourselves to do whatever it takes for our partner to love us in the way that we desire, be that through appreciation, approval or understanding, etc…, and if our partner still does not meet this emotional need, we defend ourselves with anger, resentment, resistance or we just shut down.
We withhold love from our partner by denying him or her their primary emotional need in return. Of course, this is all orchestrated, by us, without our awareness. We just feel hurt and unloved, and, so, we try to protect ourselves.
Your Love Receptors
If you unconsciously believe that you are only worthy of love if your primary emotional need is met, your love receptors will only turn on when you perceive that this condition is satisfied, but, as soon as the condition is no longer satisfied, the receptors turn off. Your condition must also be met by a certain type of person or a specific person.
You might also have self-imposed conditions, for example, if you don’t look a certain way, even if your partner is meeting your emotional need, you won’t feel loved because your love receptors are turned off. This means that even a “bad hair day” can negatively impact a relationship.
The bottom line is, even if someone truly loves us, if our conditions are not met, we unconsciously block love. Conditions don’t bring us love – conditions block love.
And that’s why relationships end in heartache.
On the surface, challenging relationships that are based on the “worthiness game” might seem like a waste of time, but, by no small means, this dynamic is by Divine Design. On a higher level, our true selves are playing the healing game. No matter the facts, details, or history, the greater part of us is conspiring for our awakening.
We don’t attract people who will meet our emotional needs because if those needs were met by others, we would remain oblivious to the deeper wound, which is not feeling worthy of love, and that wound would go forever unhealed, keeping us out of alignment with our true spiritual nature.
We need someone (important to us) who will withhold the very thing we believe we need most, so that the pain and suffering associated with not getting this need met, will alert us to this wound, in such a way, we cannot ignore.