Love and Pain: Why I Love Pain and What It Has Taught Me About Life

What Pain Has Taught Me About Life pin

“Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because life’s greatest lessons are learned through pain.” – Nagato

The fear of pain can destroy you. But pain itself can make you fearless. You can’t fall and disappear into the darkness of fear. It is this fear of not being worthy of love is what makes us lost in this abyss. It makes us afraid of pain. I love pain because it helped me grow. I love pain because it showed me the path to better myself. I chose to evolve through my pain although it hurt like hell to do that. But now I know how to love and it makes me happy even though I know it could lead to more pain. But that’s okay.

If you love someone, you will feel pain. That’s the beauty of it. If you feel pain inside your heart, it means you love fully and unconditionally. And that is the most beautiful thing we can do as human beings. To love someone and not be affected by the outcome…that is a power you can experience only through pain.

I love pain, not suffering

“Pain is what the world inflicts upon us. Suffering is our emotional reaction when we fail to make the difficult conscious choice to choose joy.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Accepting pain does not mean you give up and suffer through life. Pain and suffering are not synonymous. Accepting pain makes you take a hard look at the reality of life. It forces you to rise above it and make your life better. Given the right mindset, pain makes you gain a positive outlook at life. But suffering breaks you. It makes you feel hopeless and forces you to give up. It took me years to understand this difference as I silently suffered through whatever life gave me. Suffering made me blind to the fact that all the challenges life threw at my face where actually opportunities to transform that same life into something much more beautiful. 

Suffering is pain left unmanaged that corrupts your thoughts & actions. It made me a recluse and a loner who refused to get attached to people. Suffering leads to destructive habits that result in a life filled with problems. It made me suicidal and even insecure about myself which affected my relationship. I became weak, needy and a desperate person who was unable to be the ‘man’ my girl deserved. And even though it hurts me to accept it, it was my insecurity and lack of self-confidence that drove my girlfriend into the arms of another man. This is what suffering can do to you. It can ruin your life and make you afraid of emotional pain.

An old Buddhist saying explains that when we get hurt by an arrow, we will feel pain. But when we react to the arrow and feel anger and plan to take revenge then it’s suffering. Pain experienced without fear or judgment can help you heal and transform. It makes you aware and mindful of the reality enabling you to find peace and happiness. However, if you get lost in that pain and reflect on it wondering why it happened to you, you will not be able to release that pain. This will create suffering. It is the story we tell ourselves about why we experienced the pain. Pain is mandatory. Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. There is always an option for you to choose to stop this suffering. 

Heal from your fear

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.” – Sarah Dessen

Have u ever woken up crying from a bad dream only to realise the dream was just the reality of your life? No, dreams are not always fantastical. Sometimes, they just show you what your life is like. And that reality or the realization of reality can sometimes be too hard to accept. It’s what hurts you the most. When you can’t even avoid pain in your dreams. When it drains up all your energy and changes you into something that you are not. When you stop yourself from living life because you’re too afraid to get your heart broken again is when you realize you’re living in fear of pain. All you want is for the pain to end.

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