Valuable Lessons From Pain: 10 Ways My Pain Helped Me Grow

Valuable Lessons From Pain

It makes you feel hopeless and forces you to give up. It took me years to understand this difference as I silently suffered through whatever life gave me. Suffering made me blind to the fact that all the challenges life threw at my face were actually opportunities to transform that same life into something much more beautiful. 

Suffering is pain left unmanaged that corrupts your thoughts & actions. It made me a recluse and a loner who refused to get attached to people. Suffering leads to destructive habits that result in a life filled with problems. It made me suicidal and even insecure about myself which affected my relationship. I became weak, needy and a desperate person who was unable to be the ‘man’ my girl deserved.

And even though it hurts me to accept it, it was my insecurity and lack of self-confidence that drove my girlfriend into the arms of another man. This is what suffering can do to you. It can ruin your life and make you afraid of emotional pain.

An old Buddhist saying explains that when we get hurt by an arrow, we will feel pain. But when we react to the arrow and feel anger and plan to take revenge then it’s suffering. Pain experienced without fear or judgment can help you heal and transform. It makes you aware and mindful of reality enabling you to find peace and happiness.

However, if you get lost in that pain and reflect on it wondering why it happened to you, you will not be able to release that pain. This will create suffering. It is the story we tell ourselves about why we experienced the pain. Pain is mandatory. Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. There is always an option for you to choose to stop this suffering. 

Heal from your fear

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.” – Sarah Dessen

Have you ever woken up crying from a bad dream only to realize the dream was just the reality of your life? No, dreams are not always fantastical. Sometimes, they just show you what your life is like. And that reality or the realization of reality can sometimes be too hard to accept. It’s what hurts you the most. When you can’t even avoid pain in your dreams.

When it drains up all your energy and changes you into something that you are not. When you stop yourself from living life because you’re too afraid to get your heart broken again is when you realize you’re living in fear of pain. All you want is for the pain to end.

For me, I had been in fear of pain for so long that it came to a point that I was actually scared of being happy instead of experiencing pain. Being happy meant something worse was about to happen. I was more comfortable with pain. Pain was the home I grew up in, the pain gave me the warmth I needed, it made me feel wanted. It was the cloud of pain that reigned over my mind and made me feel comfortable in the darkness.

Pain was something I knew. 
Happiness?
Not so much. 
As they say ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t’. 
Right? 
Wrong. 

The problem is not with emotional pain or happiness. The problem lies with the fear of pain. That is what leads to suffering long before you’ve even experienced pain. The key to loving pain is unconditional acceptance. It is only when you accept it, you can finally let it out. You can sing or even dance your pain out.

You can write about it or paint it. You can talk about it to whoever is close to you (there’s always someone to talk to, even if you’re a loner, trust me I know). You can walk it out or travel it out. No matter what you do to express and release your pain, the moment you release it you will feel empowered. Having gone through the experience will make you stronger, wiser, and more courageous. 

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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts