”You may have had unfair things happen to you, but the depth of your pain is an indication of the height of your future.” – Joel Osteen
I got my heartbroken by the girl I fell in love with the first time. I lost some of my pets who meant the world to me. My first girlfriend cheated on me after a 7 year-long relationship. Friends backstabbed. Coworkers conspired. Family mistreated. In short, life happened. This was nothing unusual. Everyone has to go through these experiences. Right? But from my perspective, it seemed I was the only one who was being targeted. As if God was deliberately taking time out to play with me. I cried. I screamed. I holed up in my room. I felt alone. I felt a rush of mixed emotions and no one was there with me to tell me everything was going to be okay. I was stuck in a dark foggy pit and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t escape. I just couldn’t end this pain.
Maybe it wasn’t a big deal but it felt like the end of the world to me. I became depressed and suicidal. But still I refused to accept the pain I was feeling inside. So I did the next best thing I could. I faked it. I pretended everything was alright instead of actually dealing with my emotions. My plan was simple: fake it till you make it. But here’s the thing with plans. They fail.
When I stopped escaping pain
”Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mary Tyler Moore
Eventually, all the bottled-up emotions that I avoided for so long exploded out and hit me hard in the most unexpected ways. It took me by surprise. And that’s when I realised running away from pain was not the solution. That’s not how things are meant to be. You can’t hide from the pain. You can’t run away from it. The only thing you can do is accept it, feel it and hopefully find a way to get it out. When you do that you learn, evolve and grow from your pain.
The more you ignore your pain, the more it will haunt you. What you need to do is step up to yourself, dig deep and find the courage inside to face your pain. Truly embrace it. You need to let your pain mold and make you the person you are meant to be. The person you could never even imagine you could be. And when you do that, when you become that person…you finally start loving pain. Because pain makes you better. Period.
Pain is a side effect of love
“The stronger the love, the more the pain. Love itself is pain, you might say -the pain of being truly alive.” – Joseph Campbell
The moment I stopped running away from pain is exactly when I became proud of who I was. I became the loving caring person I was always meant to be. Love is painful. It hurts and it hurts bad. There’s no denying that. By refusing to feel pain, I refused to love. I denied myself to become the person I was inside. And that is what was making me depressed. My misery was not caused due to all the problems and challenges I faced in life. Everyone goes through that. It was caused by my refusal to accept pain. The moment I accepted pain and opened my heart to give and receive love, something magical happened. I felt empowered. I felt liberated. Liberated from all the self-doubts, insecurities, self-deprecating thoughts and all the negative voices that kept telling me I was not worth it. As I said before, there are innumerable life lessons to learn from pain and if you can do it right, it can completely transform you as a person.