4. “You must never feel good about successes”.
Why? Because there’s always more to be done.
That’s one of the classic messages a narcissist delivers, either through covert or overt means.
Be it a narcissist lover or a narcissist parent, maintaining the illusion that the victim is always beneath their achievements, is of paramount importance. When you think about it, you’ll know that’s the one surefire way for them to maintain control.
For a narcissist parent, it’s essential that the child achieves success on the terms they define.
When that does not happen, the child can be insulted, exposed to violent behavior, or even be subjected to cold neglect. In a narcissist parent’s universe, the grandiosity of plans and achievements has more priority than their child’s well-being.
5. “Your worthiness is outside of you, so find it”.
Success, power, money, fame, and the list goes, when one translates the expectations that a narcissist parent has from their child (Yes, even if they are not that small anymore).
A sense of worth is associated with being the best in class, best at work, best in the eyes of society. The grandiosity mentioned in the previous point translates into this messaging, often subtle and insidious. A compulsive need to prove themselves is what the offspring of a narcissist is left with.
To feel just an iota of worth, they may chase a career they have no interest in, form alliances with people they don’t gel with, and pursue a life that’s far from what they really want.
6. “You don’t know enough for your own good”.
If you’re wondering what the corollary for that is, it is: “let me tell you.” This is another usual symptom of a narcissist parent slipping control into their children’s lives.
From telling them how to dress up to dictate what they ought to eat to who they should spend time with, it might seem to a narcissist’s child that they don’t know enough.
This is again something that feeds the power equation and might make the child think that the parent’s knowledge or understanding must not be questioned at all.
Do you notice a theme running through every little misconception (passed off as the word of God of course) above?
Each of them plays with the aspect of self-esteem and prevents the child from individuating into an adult of their own choice and making (holds true even for those children who are adults but who continue to be in the throes of old patterns).
If the above ring a bell, it’s perhaps time that you sit yourself down and evaluate the relationship you share with your narcissistic parent. In the process, renegotiate boundaries and call back everything (feelings, voices, to-do lists) that seem rightfully yours.
If you want to know more about the lies that come from narcissistic parents, then check this video out below: